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Recent Blog Entries

  1. and so it begins...

    i knew i had some issues, a general lack of social skills. people just drain me. it didn't occur to me that i might be autistic, but i hadn't given it much thought until recently. since it was mentioned to me i have read about it a lot, and i imagine it's asperger 's or high-functioning autism that i will be looking at. i don't know which one is me. i'm not sure what age i started speaking. i have no desire to talk to my mum and my dad is in australia. am i clumsy? do i have many interests?...
  2. Preparing for another onslaught of stressors

    Do you think there will ever come a time when we can all just take it easy and enjoy life for more than a day? Not me, with all the thoughts that go on in my supercharged v8 engine I call a brain lately. I've taken a 3-day break from my assignments to give me time to recover and not break down crying from working myself too hard again. Today even with no one to talk to I worked from about 6:45 to almost 10 on assignments to make up for the time I lost. Some days I feel so darn lonely, I wish...
  3. Day 6: Today was harder

    I didnt get good sleep. I have racing thoughts and i'm always wondering if its time to wake up at around 7 am. my pets were being rambunctious today however. i felt very frustrated today. small things were not going my way. im not sure it is because i'm depressed, or i had a melt down, but i broke down in tears. I was worried i would have to smoke to escape, but did yoga, and i am happy i didnt have to. i am happy i didnt quit in the middle or after 10 minutes either. im kinda sad...
  4. Day 5: I was wondering where this post went

    I got frustrated that i lost my entry and didnt make anew one. but here it is: I did not sleep good. One thing that makes me more depressed than my personal life woes is my job woes. i feel super underappreciated, but what's worse is that, i feel that its justified. I have been in my industry for 7 years, practicing for 6, and people still undermine me. i think, how am i supposed to feel worth something, if everyone around me is saying i am trash? i think about this in regards to the males...
  5. A well-awaited end to a rougher than normal week

    It's been one of those weeks where I feel just drained physically and emotionally. I've been doing nothing but screwing up academically and socially apparently and I just feel isolated from the rest of the world. I've been listening to music to escape those dark thoughts, I'm not talking about end it all, by the way, it's just me, myself, and my agonizing struggle through life with no one to vent to. I work myself to the point my fingers hurt and fatigue is starting, for what? Just to do...
  6. Do you feel more with autism?

    Unsure if i should have make this an actual forum post or not but thought i'd share my own experiences and see if anyone can relate in the comments here Do people with Autism feel emotions more? I've been officially diagnosed with autism but i still don't really know what comes with it fully, But i have had these massive emotion issues my whole life, When i get angry, I get abnormally angry, I snap way easily than i should, But the same goes for every other emotion too, I love way more...
  7. Day 4: I been sleeping more

    i think one of my problems in the past was me not sleepin enough. I have been working hard to fix that. i have put my screens on all yellow light before going to bed, reading before going to bed. i think this is helping my mood a lot. i cant stay up because my cat always wakes me up at 7am. the only thing i wish i could do is block the window so no light comes in. yesterday i also didnt need to smoke to go to sleep. that was good. i had a dream that i was a werewolf and i intimiated a...
  8. Day 3: Things kinda feel different

    I am thankful that this week is less stressful. for a few months, i've been in this depressive episode. i think i am still there but i feel i am near a silver lining. Right now I feel positive about myself in that I am beginning to believe i am worth something. the problem i really do have is that i am afraid i dont really believe that. I write that because I am back with my bf, and I am sure that has something to do with my self-worth. I don't like that. My ex now bf basically admitted to...
  9. Day 2: My hobbies

    Today I feel less nervous. I feel less nervous because i am not waiting on someone anymore. in a way it's freeing. but everyday is scary, in the sense that i dont know what will set me off into a depressive moment. (i accidentally posted this too early) Today I'm going to talk about my hobbies. I feel i am a creative person. i like to work with my hands, but not like the sense of a mechanic, although i do respect that skill. it is very attractive to see someone know how to fix things. I...
  10. Day 1: Three Good Things About Me

    I am a youngish woman. I have struggled with friendship my entire life, and that is not a hyperbole. Right now, I am very alone. I moved from my home town almost two years ago, and have failed to make friends, failed to maintain my romantic relationship, and even failing at my job. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to nowadays, because no one cares about me, or at least that is what the voices in my head tell me repeatedly. Here I, today, I will write a few reasons why i AM...
  11. The hunt for friendships online

    Quick info on me before we start: I'm housebound more or less due to my social issues, panic attacks etc and i'm classed as disabled so i can't socialise in person very well at all, but i'm fairly okay online. I've been searching for ways to make friends online, I'm an extremely friendly guy who loves to chat casually however i'm not the best at keeping up conversations unless it's a certain topic like gaming, anime. I'm sure others can relate to struggling to make conversation unless it's...
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