Now that I'm out of that shelter, I am scrambling like crazy to get my business back into full swing again, so I don't have to go back into ANOTHER shelter.
I can't seem to be very productive in a herded community living environment.
Right now, I am QUITE happy in a friendly, cheap hotel room run by some pleasant and hospitable Middle Eastern folks. I need to find a place to rent, though, because even though this is a cheap hotel... it's not less expensive than living in my apartment, and I'm not sure I can remain here.
I've tried looking for rooms to rent, at least, but unfortunately, the only offers I was able to procure in this area were men looking to exchange "companionship" for the boarding. Umm, no thank you. This demisexual INFx can't handle that kind of arrangement, especially after all the trouble I've already gone through with men being unjustifiably entitled, abusive dickwads. Nope. Can't hand that kind of power over to anyone. It makes me nervous just moving in with someone - anyone - instead of leasing my place.
The good news is that if I can manage to get contracts flowing through my inbox again, I will be able to move on to getting assistance with the deposits for my apartment. I can't wait for that one-year all-bills-paid assistance program forever, and really shouldn't if I can manage to get back up on my feet well enough to take care of myself on my own, with just a little help with the startup expenses.
So my time has mostly been dedicated to submitting project proposals, polishing up the redesign of my website, writing new content for it, and sending links for the content as mentioned earlier to get aggregated and served. I'm also probably going to make some unique article submissions to a few websites to obtain not only a link back but a huge audience of readers. It's past time that I leveled up on my marketing instead of focusing entirely on other businesses marketing, lol.
I want to get some new client websites, mostly because of a. I have a brand spanking new self-built web hosting server that's begging to be filled up and b. that is where the fastest big $$$ is.
I should probably change the web hosting handle, though. KeyboardShitter is not very professional, even though it makes me laugh every time I see it. It was just meant to be temporary, anyway, to first test the idea of setting up my web host.
I love how dirt cheap this is for me, though, and it streamlines my services as well so the client doesn't have to touch a single thing if they don't want to.
I relish the quiet of my spacious hotel room and big comfy California king bed. Since I got into this environment, I have suddenly sprung back to life. I'm productive again! Functional again! Happy still! Able to remember things. Able to solve complex issues, and organize, create my patterns - yay.
Scheduling and timing is still a sore point, but at least I can think well enough to start reminding myself I need to make good use of my calendar, reminders, and notes on my cell phone.
So I am back to waking up early in the morning, springing straight to work until I reach a point of boredom or some form of standstill, then taking a shower and getting dressed. Forgetting to eat until my tummy rumbles, and going until my brain sputters out and I have to curl up in a blanket with the lights out and curtains drawn for a nice nap.
It's really weird, but it's exactly the way I like to live.
I've ventured into socializing online with the locals a little bit. So far, I haven't gotten anywhere with it, mostly because I am a. Still nervous and b. Awkward and c. So far from the "norm" around here it makes me a rare, endangered species. BUT, I am seeing improvements over time. I'm learning to tone myself back down and adapt to my "audience" once again in my socializing, and not just in my writing.
Ultimately though, I am bored to death with the folks I've chatted with around here. We have absolutely NOTHING in common. Even if we share some interest, typically I'm WAY deeper into it than the other party is. And that makes interactions very uncomfortable for both of us. I can sense them feeling smaller and smaller while interacting with me, and I want it to stop... I want them to feel comfortable with me, not taking out that dumb measuring stick... just accepting that I am human, too, damn it. And a pretty cool one at that.
I feel kind of jealous of my friend's relationship because she has a guy that is protective of her and tries to spoil her and accepts her as she is - a typical stubborn, independent Scorpio woman. I want something like that, yet. All I've ever seemed to have gotten is power games and excessive dependence.
Maybe, one day, it will happen to me. In the meantime, though I'm not holding my breath for it to happen any time soon. Especially around here.
Around here, it's. Ugh. Old-fashioned female slavery and submission. And I'm so totally not down for that, no matter how lonely for love I feel.
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