I feel that I am trained to live my parents' dreams, not mine.
I just want to edit and share with my ideas freely, especially if it's for a good cause, like speaking out for people with Autism and striving for unity within the Autie community in my country, or saving the Earth, or even something like proposing a various alternative to city and regional development for a more sustainable future, as I really enjoy the idea of sustainable urban planning, which I may share in greater detail one day.
However, my parents have some other plans for me. They initially wanted me to be a medical doctor, then they wanted me to be, at least, a Chinese physician like they do. Last of all, they wanted me to go to a 'normal university', if not, it's as if they 'lost their son'.
So I admit feeling unhappy. Despite my apparent effort, despite my best effort to discipline myself in studies, it doesn't translate into understanding.
I just realised I fell in the trap of materialism. To keep things going, while satisficing my parents' demand - satisfying and sufficing - I did use the pocket money I get, meant to focus on my studies 100%, to indulge in relatively expensive food such as ice-cream and bubble-tea from 'famous' drink stores in my town. I'm also hooked to nice clothes, nice shoes, etc... To be honest, I feel that I'm really distracted. I did use other irrelevant stuff to my needs to relieve the hurt in me, for not able to do what I want.
Oh, not to forget the scorn by parents and high-achieving classmates. They say I'm not focused, yes I am not really focused, given the pain I experienced! They say I am immature - hmm, I am 22, yes, I tried to compromise to get into a reputable good-paying career path, yes, and I did not focus on it fully, so you say I'm immature and using all those excuses to say I should just disregard everything and do what I am supposed to do. Well, hmm, I just feel more tired than the day before, and this doesn't fit with my vision - though my purpose is to solve a problem each day, I cannot solve problems that take away more than build my life.
I really hope, one day, that the day will come, when I work my full heart - I want it, need it and go for it. But recognising my limitations in finances, grades, etc., I may need 10 years of work experience to give me the confidence to re-start another career in the process, if accounting and business are truly not for me.
I just want to edit and share with my ideas freely, especially if it's for a good cause, like speaking out for people with Autism and striving for unity within the Autie community in my country, or saving the Earth, or even something like proposing a various alternative to city and regional development for a more sustainable future, as I really enjoy the idea of sustainable urban planning, which I may share in greater detail one day.
However, my parents have some other plans for me. They initially wanted me to be a medical doctor, then they wanted me to be, at least, a Chinese physician like they do. Last of all, they wanted me to go to a 'normal university', if not, it's as if they 'lost their son'.
So I admit feeling unhappy. Despite my apparent effort, despite my best effort to discipline myself in studies, it doesn't translate into understanding.
I just realised I fell in the trap of materialism. To keep things going, while satisficing my parents' demand - satisfying and sufficing - I did use the pocket money I get, meant to focus on my studies 100%, to indulge in relatively expensive food such as ice-cream and bubble-tea from 'famous' drink stores in my town. I'm also hooked to nice clothes, nice shoes, etc... To be honest, I feel that I'm really distracted. I did use other irrelevant stuff to my needs to relieve the hurt in me, for not able to do what I want.
Oh, not to forget the scorn by parents and high-achieving classmates. They say I'm not focused, yes I am not really focused, given the pain I experienced! They say I am immature - hmm, I am 22, yes, I tried to compromise to get into a reputable good-paying career path, yes, and I did not focus on it fully, so you say I'm immature and using all those excuses to say I should just disregard everything and do what I am supposed to do. Well, hmm, I just feel more tired than the day before, and this doesn't fit with my vision - though my purpose is to solve a problem each day, I cannot solve problems that take away more than build my life.
I really hope, one day, that the day will come, when I work my full heart - I want it, need it and go for it. But recognising my limitations in finances, grades, etc., I may need 10 years of work experience to give me the confidence to re-start another career in the process, if accounting and business are truly not for me.
