So, this is a really loaded topic for me, as I spent a LOT of years being narcissistically abused and exploited, and because of my Autism and the abusive and neglectful childhood I'd had, it took me to point where I was seriously contemplating my own demise, if I didn't get out of that abuse cycle dynamic.
I wasn't suicidal, I couldn't go down that path, because I had children, A LOT of children. I was dying, absolutely plagued with serious stress-related and lifestyle related health problems, in constant pain and utterly exhausted, so exhausted and in pain, that I couldn't sleep.
The father of those children defies belief, in his callousness towards me, his ability to lie about me and besmirch me, the exploitative way in which he snared a sixteen year old homeless child and got her pregnant 7 times while systematically destroying me and any self determination, health, positive identify or quality of life I attempted to establish. He told me he "chose" a homeless girl, so he could "mold" me (see destroy any sense of myself as an individual with a voice, choice, or feelings of self esteem or individuality, or even sanity and health).
Being autistic is akin to being much younger than one's age, socially, emotionally and in understanding the complexity of human relationships and power dynamics and manipulation. To put it bluntly, we are, characteristically, naive and ill equipped to cope with dishonesty and manipulative and expolitative people and relationship dynamics, for often, much more extended periods of time than NT's due to our social-cognitive disability.
So, in a sense, it was a very pedophillically expolitative and abusive relationship that started when I was an already abused, discarded and neglected child and he was a grown man, twice my age.
Having children to someone narcissistic, someone "cluster B personality disordered", in other words exploitative, entitled, manipulative, dishonest, controlling and abusive, is not something I would wish on my least favourite human.
At the moment, my, also Aspie, also previously narcissistically abused bf, is dealing with the ongoing fallout of his niave and Aspie-bullied-and-brain-injury vulnerable co-parenting choises.
His youngest son, who I helped raise for the last 10 years is being badly emotionally and psychologically abused by his mother, who he has been caring for while he starts his adult working life.
Luckily, this young man isn't autistic as well. His older brother is, and he was the scapegoat/target of their mother's abuse for years, interchanged with my guy, who is their dad.
Narcissistic parents often have a dynamic with their children, where one is set up as the "Golden Child" who is groomed to be their ally, while another is the bullied "Scapegoat" however, they can be interchanged, to suit the abuser.
This son was the Golden Child for years, and watched his Dad and older brother being abused, assaulted, character assassinated, shamed and undermined, while he had to "fawn" align, support and enable the abusive parent, making excuses and using denial and.minimization to cope with being ill equipped to do anything but try to stay out of the firing line.
Only problem is, that she's run out of other victims, because both my guy and his older son, have learnt to put in healthy and protective boundaries to assuage and.mitigate the abuse.
Now this hardworking, charming, polite and kindly young man is being so terrorised in his own home, by his mum, and the enemies she's made for him, in the neighborhood, that he is being forced to move.
He found the house, he got himself an apprenticeship, it's his first place and he's being psychologically and emotionally blungeoned and endangered by his very unwell and unkind mum and it's TRIGGERY!!!!!!!!
She is so anti social that she was living in her camper van, but she persuaded her youngest son to become her "carer" which gives him a tiny income supplement. Now this is a woman who refuses to look at herself, to take ANY responsibility and who blames, criticizes and plays the victim while barbing, bullying, besmirching antagonizing, insulting and belittling anyone she pleases.
She has managed to upset an entire neighborhood, which happens to be a non white neighborhood, while she and her son are Caucasian. And now it's become "racially charged" and while she is saying she will leave, her son is not safe to live there anymore.
She has assaulted me, physically, in the past, but I couldn't do anything about it because I love her son's and their dad and it would have caused them more pain.
But hearing about what my darling "step son" (ish, kind of person) is going through is very, very upsetting and taking me back to my own abused, maligned, disempowered past and it s very gruelling and distressing.
He is starting to wake up to what the rest of us have been subject to for years and realize just how "toxic" his "cluster B" mum, really is
She needs therapy and he needs safety.
I'm fortunate, I've been in therapy for years now, and I'm FREE from anymore direct abuse, it's just our children we have to help free now.
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