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Thursday blog (on a Friday)

Didn’t smoke this morning. Congratulations? Not sure. Don’t feel really with it today even though I’m sober. Feeling rather foggy.

This morning I heard 4 loud beeps every 30 seconds in the cabin. I tried to pin point it. Initially I thought it was the alarm. I never paid too much attention to it in the past, but I noticed a symbol on the screen which was a tapered set of 3 brackets ))) and I wondered if this was causing the noise. Waiting every 30 seconds to try and locate it. The noise was certainly coming from that side of the room, so I input the code and reset. I don’t like alarms – the potential for deafening noise is enough to make me give them a wide berth, and feel rather unnerved when I have to use one.

No dice, the noise persisted. In the end I found an APC backup device under Molly’s desk which was making the noise. I Googled it and it said it’s because it’s running on battery power. So I checked to make sure the kettle lead power cable was firmly in the back of the unit. Then it started to make a constant noise. The normal beeping was piercing, it was overly loud and now it was just constant. As I was holding the Mute button – without it working, Pete from the workshop came in. He said he needed my help with printing something off from his phone, but he’d come back later.

I said not to worry, I’d do it now, and I held down the power button on the device until it powered down and shut it up. I’d asked Dick if he knew the number for IT earlier but he never came back to me. I’ll speak with Craig when he’s in and give them a call to make sure it’s ok for this backup device to be off.

Anyway, I helped Pete, he needed some NHS documents printed off, but he has a “feature phone” which ironically is one without many features as it’s not a smart phone. He said it was a crap phone and he doesn’t really get on with technology. I seconded that, in that I’ve had feature phones before over the years to get away from overuse of smartphones. When all a phone can do is pretty much text, call and play MP3 music – what more do you need? Got the documents printed off, after I’d managed to locate where they keep the A4 sheets of paper.

Pete rang his wife at one point in the cabin and said I was helping him out, and said to his wife that I’m “an alright guy” which was nice to hear. When he gave me his date of birth to login to this NHS site to print off the documents, I was shocked that he was only 2 years older than me. Craig told me the other day that he struggled with heavy drinking and that he’s recently been awaiting test results for his liver. To look at him, I’d have thought he’d be well into his 40’s, not 38. Clearly he smokes like a chimney as his teeth are brown, crooked and lots are missing. I think he’s worked manual jobs most of his life as his skin is weather, and above his cheek bones, either side of his face is a bumper crop of very old looking blackheads. They’re huge and gnarly and I want to have at his face and release all that trapped grime under his skin. My goodness that would be a satisfying hour or so. Mind you, I’m a spot popper and a skin picker. I can’t leave anything alone on my body once I notice it's there. In recent months however, my skin has been improving on my back, which is where most of my spots appear.

So I didn’t smoke this morning, and yet I’m feeling not entirely present. Lack of sleep? Not sure. Dehydration? Perhaps. I’m still stimming a lot. I went bloody mental by all accounts on the drive in. At times I was screaming weird noises at the top of my lungs, going right mad. Last night, before bed me and Meg were sending short voice recordings on WhatsApp where we were just making odd noises to one another. It was quite fun truth be told. This is the table finger tapping, drumming that I do at work, at home and on the steering wheel of the car:

The cleaner comes in and hoovers and all I notice when I walk around the cabin is all the spots he missed. I think, with the right equipment I’d be a very good cleaner. If it was my job. The irony is, I can rarely be bothered to tidy my own place. However, when I live I the van it’ll be a much quicker and easier job to tidy. Plus, you can’t let it get too messy or you won’t have space to move about.

Ordered a food shop a few days ago. Huel arrived too, so now I have work meals sorted. It’s a bit more expensive than I used to spend on food. Will total about £210 a month, plus whatever else I end up spending at the shop or weekends. The Huel is a subscription service and about £50 odd a month, but works out at less than £2 a meal, and using it as a meal replacement for lunches at work means it works out cheaper than how much I’d usually spend up at the shop if I was buying lunch for the day. Plus the Huel stuff has a lot more nutrients than I’d get by making a wrap or a sandwich. Still not 100% sure of these powder drinks, but it is what it is. Had one last night. Bit chalky, a decent enough flavour, but it’s a bit dystopian drinking your meals. The box it arrived in said “The future of food is in this box.” Creepy if you ask me.

Meal plan is easy enough though. Breakfast is porridge oats, berries and some processed seed mix which includes 100% of your Vitamin D and some other bits, probiotic or some such. Good start to the day. Lunch is Huel. Snacks are fruit, seeds, nuts, dark chocolate, a yogurt and crispbread with hummus. Dinner is whatever I have at my parents – it’s almost always frozen stuff heated up in an oven. Not the healthiest, but it’ll do. I also bought frozen fruit and veg to go into a daily smoothie.

So it might be a little high with sugar from the fruit and dried fruits, and a little high in fat from dark choc, hummus and olives. But it’s a lot better than what I normally eat, and it’s a similar go to theme when I’ve done healthier eating before. So I’m sticking with what’s easy and what I know works well for me. It has to be minimal prep, or else I’ll struggle and eventually give up.

The youngest guy in the workshop rang in to say he wasn’t coming in as he doesn’t want to ride his new moped in the rain. I say new – he bought some ragged piece of crap, Chinese no brand scooter which is in a horrific condition. It lost it’s exhaust by day 2. Is covered in duct tape and scuffs and without the exhaust it’s not road legal, and sounds horrific. He put notifications on silent, which apparently on 2 iPhones texting shows up on the other person’s phone – namely his boss. So now he knows he’s deliberately ignoring him. He told him to get the bus, and the kid claimed they weren’t running. Even though his boss drove past the bus he'd have to get. Hmm…

Went to see the horses. Raining outside. Molly’s horses harness has slipped and is in it’s mouth. It looked odd, so I checked a photo I took yesterday, and sure enough, it used to sit above his nose and has slipped down and makes chewing a chore. He’s still too shy and skittish. I tried to help but he just snatched backwards, so I couldn’t move it out his mouth and reposition it correctly. Not being able to help made me feel sad. Still, I did my usual and got a big handful of long grass from the entrance to the field and fed the horses as soon as I got there.

Meg sent me a photo and it’s blue skies over in Oxford. Ahh this Huel sludge isn’t so nice on coffee flavour. An acquired taste perhaps.

Didn’t go on a morning walk today. Woke up at 5:30 which is my later wake up time. Normally I wake up at 5, or hit snooze and wake up at 5:00. Or is it 5:25? Anyway, if I go to bed past 10pm I feel kinda rough in the morning. But I soon recover. Not smoking I think helped a bit? Hard to say really. Still acclimating to the new job, new routine, now a new diet approach.

Drinking coffee with my coffee flavoured Huel. It’s not coffee flavour, it’s odd. I just saw the “fill line” on the bottle, and I’ve been going way above that. Jeez Louise, I thought it was powdery and gloopy enough when filled up, nevermind it I reduce the amount of water by 25%.

Wore black jeans today. The weekends wash didn’t end up getting hung up. It’s just on the floor in a pile of clean laundry. That’s quite typical for me I fear. I wonder how I’ll approach laundry when I have my own van. The fact I’d have everything near enough in one room – I wonder how proactive it’ll make me. Part of me, when searching for houses really found the idea of a nice, studio flat appealing. The only thing not appealing about a flat is being in a building full of other people. That is a horrible idea. But a van? Oh, I wonder how it’ll be.

But yes, laundry in a van. Ideally I wouldn’t want to have to drive into a city to use a laundry place. I’ve looked into manual approaches. Off grid laundry etc. A lot of modern things look like manually operated washing machines of sorts. Mainly looked like cheap plastic tat. I think a hands on process could be interesting.

Played some GTA V last night. Performance wise – I saw multiple framerate drops during cutscenes. Why is that? Why can’t things run smooth? WHY?! It’s so frustrating to me, it makes me upset and angry and all sorts of BS. I should just accept it – games no longer run smooth. But why? I shouldn’t have to fork out for a super expensive PC in the hope that all my games run well. But it seems like a consistent 60 FPS isn’t possible, let alone utilising 120 FPS like the Series X is supposedly capable of. These framerate dips are everywhere and I hate it. Not really noticeable in game, so I guess that’s something. But I haven’t fully explored the map or gone to very busy places on the map yet. We shall see. A few months back I’d started GTA V again on PC, so when I’d done the first few missions, I started to get bored and switched it off.

Fallout 4 should arrive today. Read up about it. They added 4k for Series X but at a whopping 30 FPS. Or you could play at 60FPS – but at 1080p. Pretty pathetic in my opinion. Supposedly in 2023 the game is getting an update to increase visuals and performance. Look, if it can’t achieve 60FPS beyond 1080p resolution, than upping the visuals probably won’t improve performance. Their high resolution texture pack on PC, not only was a hideously oversized download file, but it required a 1080GTX as recommended GPU. Bethesda’s Creation Engine isn’t great, and yet they continue to use it for their upcoming sci-fi game and the next Eldar Scrolls. Talk about flogging a dead horse.

Soft spoken husband in the showroom with his loud, seemingly overly opinionated wife. Ahh she took all of a few seconds to wind me up internally. Odd mix. The husband keeps laughing, seemingly nervously about nothing. The wife just complains a lot. Odd pairing. I forgot my headphones. For shame, I could do with them right about now.

Hmm, this was all done the other day. It’s Friday now, and I can’t be bothered to add anymore. Visiting Meg at the dig site tomorrow. 145 min drive, ish. Leaving around 06:10. Early morning road trip, yeeee. Got some bits to get done tonight, car tidy, food shop, pack bags, get my art originals in my portfolio for this gallery visit on Monday. It’s in Milton Keynes which is on the way back from this dig site, so it marries up nicely.



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