I don't know much about autism until I had 3 experiences in my life, that changed me.
Number 1 would be me volunteering in Pathlight School, an autism school, when I was in Grade 9/freshman in high school. I was doing administrative jobs. I was doing odd jobs that no one wanted to do. The school was located in a disused school campus around 8 miles north from the SIngapore downtown, and I had to travel around an hour by train and bus to reach there, as I live around 15km or so away from the school. I thought if I am volunteering, I could do something to improve the school. But the work keeps on piling, piling and piling. Autism work through indirect ways is necessary, but taxing in spirit and mind. I figured out that even though autism is indeed a pressing need to 'save the world' through helping out in autism, even though I'm very able in helping those with autism, I may not be able to 'wait' for the chance - and I know people around me want ready-made solutions.
So even though I had siblings and parents working in the healthcare industry, I just told my parents that I lost hope in medicine - we live and breathe our life in medicine. But I feel that if I do medicine like them, I wasn't able to deal with helplessness. I just picked up ideas of control by the surroundings around me - if you've got a successful father who soaked up everything in traditional Chinese medicine like me, and a successful mother who just was the best in her field of pediatric respiratory medicine in the TCM method, and a successful sister as a boss of their clinic, and another successful sister as a medical doctor doing pediatrics - add that with the highest level of intellect in the family, possibly even 'smarter' - you get a dissatisfied, unhappy and restrained person, who just feel unhappy all his life.
So my grades really started to suffer in high school. I lost the motivation to do well - and I feel very, very guilty of it. Pathlight taught me that there is life beyond just the world's problems.
I roughly knew that AIDS, cancer, epidemics - 3 of the 4 biggest issues on earth - are almost solved by the time I went to high school, judging from latest hear-say. My family is just content in solving these 3 issues as much as they can - and they do quite well in treating epidemics, as they just lived healthily and abstained from unsafe sex. Now, how do you treat mental diseases? My family is all pondering - but not really too serious with it. For me, I'm not gonna do it.
My experiences in camps regarding pharmacy and medicine seems to confirm this - and I simply quit school - for a long while.
--- --- ---
Number 2 would be me knowing I'm not cut out for JC.
I thought I'm destined to do great things - my parents reinforced the idea.
You go to JC (the more rigorous program for high school-age students), and only JC people can go to Medicine and Dentistry - here and overseas. And you will get leadership qualities to do greater things. They said so.
Alas! I should not look at prestige. I should look at fit and interest.
I am not the type who will thrive in doing good amongst the best - unlike my sisters themselves, who are best doing just that. I can't - I need to have a good sense of control.
Examining the environment made me cringe. Some friends can get into Medicine and Dentistry - without going to JC.
And I look at the courses offered -
Where can non-JC people NOT go?
Even Engineering Science and Industrial Engineering started to appear...
Only three courses, for those people who do Physics and Mathematics:
Mathematics, Quantitative Finance and Statistics.
Sigh.
I wasn't taught that Maths is really, really good - and I hadn't got the good fortune to practice on just Maths. Or to be told, do Maths and you'll be good.
Besides these three subjects, Arts and Music are the subjects I also feel interested ---
What the heck.
Statistics show that besides these five subjects, besides Arts and Sciences, there's nothing much to gain in JC.
Do I think I am good in merely the Arts and the Sciences?
Three: Meeting ASDs myself, dashing all hopes that I can be a practical person...
--- --- ---
Sometimes I just look forward to running. I often get into a reflective mood before, during and after I run. I often think about the complexities of life while running through a hill, or on a treadmill. If I feel bad, I'll push myself harder. If I feel reflective, I'll just jog.
I thought I'd just improved, but I just can't really gradually change myself. My personality is that I prefer to drive personal targets, and I'm always focused in my goals. Too focused, well, until I began to become impatient and I didn't wait, talk or think for others, while I am in the mood to run.
I feel thankful for people - but I wish I can be closer to my quiet, intense and reflective style.
Number 1 would be me volunteering in Pathlight School, an autism school, when I was in Grade 9/freshman in high school. I was doing administrative jobs. I was doing odd jobs that no one wanted to do. The school was located in a disused school campus around 8 miles north from the SIngapore downtown, and I had to travel around an hour by train and bus to reach there, as I live around 15km or so away from the school. I thought if I am volunteering, I could do something to improve the school. But the work keeps on piling, piling and piling. Autism work through indirect ways is necessary, but taxing in spirit and mind. I figured out that even though autism is indeed a pressing need to 'save the world' through helping out in autism, even though I'm very able in helping those with autism, I may not be able to 'wait' for the chance - and I know people around me want ready-made solutions.
So even though I had siblings and parents working in the healthcare industry, I just told my parents that I lost hope in medicine - we live and breathe our life in medicine. But I feel that if I do medicine like them, I wasn't able to deal with helplessness. I just picked up ideas of control by the surroundings around me - if you've got a successful father who soaked up everything in traditional Chinese medicine like me, and a successful mother who just was the best in her field of pediatric respiratory medicine in the TCM method, and a successful sister as a boss of their clinic, and another successful sister as a medical doctor doing pediatrics - add that with the highest level of intellect in the family, possibly even 'smarter' - you get a dissatisfied, unhappy and restrained person, who just feel unhappy all his life.
So my grades really started to suffer in high school. I lost the motivation to do well - and I feel very, very guilty of it. Pathlight taught me that there is life beyond just the world's problems.
I roughly knew that AIDS, cancer, epidemics - 3 of the 4 biggest issues on earth - are almost solved by the time I went to high school, judging from latest hear-say. My family is just content in solving these 3 issues as much as they can - and they do quite well in treating epidemics, as they just lived healthily and abstained from unsafe sex. Now, how do you treat mental diseases? My family is all pondering - but not really too serious with it. For me, I'm not gonna do it.
My experiences in camps regarding pharmacy and medicine seems to confirm this - and I simply quit school - for a long while.
--- --- ---
Number 2 would be me knowing I'm not cut out for JC.
I thought I'm destined to do great things - my parents reinforced the idea.
You go to JC (the more rigorous program for high school-age students), and only JC people can go to Medicine and Dentistry - here and overseas. And you will get leadership qualities to do greater things. They said so.
Alas! I should not look at prestige. I should look at fit and interest.
I am not the type who will thrive in doing good amongst the best - unlike my sisters themselves, who are best doing just that. I can't - I need to have a good sense of control.
Examining the environment made me cringe. Some friends can get into Medicine and Dentistry - without going to JC.
And I look at the courses offered -
Where can non-JC people NOT go?
Even Engineering Science and Industrial Engineering started to appear...
Only three courses, for those people who do Physics and Mathematics:
Mathematics, Quantitative Finance and Statistics.
Sigh.
I wasn't taught that Maths is really, really good - and I hadn't got the good fortune to practice on just Maths. Or to be told, do Maths and you'll be good.
Besides these three subjects, Arts and Music are the subjects I also feel interested ---
What the heck.
Statistics show that besides these five subjects, besides Arts and Sciences, there's nothing much to gain in JC.
Do I think I am good in merely the Arts and the Sciences?
Three: Meeting ASDs myself, dashing all hopes that I can be a practical person...
--- --- ---
Sometimes I just look forward to running. I often get into a reflective mood before, during and after I run. I often think about the complexities of life while running through a hill, or on a treadmill. If I feel bad, I'll push myself harder. If I feel reflective, I'll just jog.
I thought I'd just improved, but I just can't really gradually change myself. My personality is that I prefer to drive personal targets, and I'm always focused in my goals. Too focused, well, until I began to become impatient and I didn't wait, talk or think for others, while I am in the mood to run.
I feel thankful for people - but I wish I can be closer to my quiet, intense and reflective style.
