I am not a social animal; I tend to shun the herd.
I know I need people and have to associate but sometimes I see little reason behind this as more and more I have come to dislike all the mannerisms and opinionations and one-upsmanship I witness on a daily basis passing in front of the little window on the world that is my shops front doors.
These sheep walk around listening to things they don?t want to hear, speaking things they don?t believe, wearing things that are uncomfortable or too expensive, all to be noticed or recognized or even to remain unchallenged. What for?
I see the way that people conduct themselves and I sometimes mumble under my breath that I thank all the gods I am not one of them? huh, not one of them?
I am a human, am I not?
Warts and all I am one of those sheep, its just that according to some guy that went to a school probably nobody in my family ever heard of, I have discovered that my wires are crossed, the pattern wasn?t followed in the factory or one spool of wire ran out and they had to change gauge.
My brain is what makes me, me, it is what allows me to make up the ideas that get me from point A to point B, If I want to walk I shall, if I want to run I can. How would that be any different to those I openly shun, how am I special in a way that they are not? I have Aspergers but, maybe that guy over there has it as well, except that no well meaning dude in a polo neck sweater ever asked him enough questions to be able to make a determination that that is what affects him on a daily basis too.
Therefore he has to struggle through on his own never knowing the brilliance of having a website like this one, filled to the gills with likeminded individuals who are nothing if not helpful.
Well, hang on there, just one minute skipper, if I am so unique, then how is it I can identify with any of you? You claim to be my special brand of special, were same same you say, though I have no proof, I actually do believe you cause nobody would want to be like me surely. Excepting of course those lazy bastards who may be able to get a pension and never work again cause of a diagnosis that claims they have trouble integrating!
Bah, I just have trouble accepting that I am not normal, nobody is normal I hear people cry and then they go on to say that I just don?t try hard enough, don?t put enough effort in. Do I really want to go to parties, do I really want to ?hook up? they ask, as though I actually have a choice in the matter. You know as well as I do that we are like a brand new computer straight out of the box but, that it?s a retro computer from the 1970?s sometime, we came off the shelf and sat there with a woefully outdated tape drive and a 128MB hard drive and all programs have to be entered painstakingly over a fortnight by repeated and heated, late night sessions of wrist numbing typing before a game that lasts ten minutes can be played by only one person at a time ; ]
Was that a bad analogy, how about I liken we aspergicals to a piece of fruit, or an automobile, a worn item of clothing or a mangy cat from a vet who was going to put it down. However I put it, however it is said, we all know that we are exactly alike in the way that we are different.
My question is that while we are struggling to come to terms with the way we are, how are we so oblivious to the way that everyone else is struggling, surly they must be, how could it possibly be fair that as a child I could sit in a local shop for an hour, painstakingly trying in vain to spend my pocket money in such a way so as to not only achieve the ultimate value for money but also, longevity of enjoyment, range of color and degree of jealousy from siblings who just got the first thing they saw with their own money.
Explain why I can go without food for 14 hours while I make a list of my book collection via Author, Title, ISBN, Genre, Cost, Size, Series, No# Of Pages and Where It Came From? and once its done, come back tomorrow and rearrange it cause it doesn?t ?seem? right.
Those other poor buggers MUST go through this sort of thing to some degree, it simply cannot be just me and a handful of you guys that wish ill on people for all manner of small things nobody else could possibly care less about, I mean sure I am a killjoy, sure I don?t get it, sure I?m like some bitter old man, but have you ever really smelt some smell and got a splitting headache from it, what about hearing some sound that goes to the core of your being and fries your nerves and that feeling you get when someone you hardly know decides to touch you in a completely random and innocent way, like a handshake or a brush on the arm or a light grip of the elbow or shoulder.
How can they not know the effects of these things and others, how do they just live every day as if they are completely normal, I must ask my own self and by extension, all of you, I simply must, ask these things because I don?t know, I cant possibly know and that worries me, it bothers, erks and perplexes me and? well, there we have it, that?s what Aspergers is, isn?t it?
Oh bother, my brain maybe wired wrong but it sure has lots of storage space for extraneous crap, all this detritus just accumulates in the corners and I have to sweep it out on occasion, don?t you ever wonder about us, the how, the why, don?t you ever just sit there overwhelmed by being you and being an island that nobody can swim to.
Even on here I wonder how many of us are actually what we claim to be, some of the things I read appear to me to be too coherent and well thought out, some of the things I read appear to be too normal! When you post do you bite your lip and wonder while pouring over every word, don?t you go over it so meticulously wondering how many people you will offend today, does it bother you to see only 3 people have read your post and then you get excited cause the next time you log on somebody has finally put a reply, the fools?
Ha-Ha-Ha.
Don?t they know it just encourages me, soon I will have friends and then more friends and then? the world will be mine, I will start a gecko farm in every major city on this earth and you will all have to buy your small lizards from me and me alone!
Okay, this last part is just to determine if anybody actually read this far because I will know, due to the length of time it takes from when you to start reading till I hear laughter. You guys that skipped to the end here, I know who you are, yes you!
See, you feel guilty now I bet, but it?s alright, I didn?t really expect you to read it all. It actually goes on for quite a while and its not really about anything, basically the whole thing is me venting and being silly, hey, it stops me from talking to myself? WOW, hey you know, if you were to read this last bit out loud it might sound as if you were talking to yourself in the third person.
Anyway, if you stayed till the end, I have no idea what you got out of it but I thank you and goodnight ; ]
I know I need people and have to associate but sometimes I see little reason behind this as more and more I have come to dislike all the mannerisms and opinionations and one-upsmanship I witness on a daily basis passing in front of the little window on the world that is my shops front doors.
These sheep walk around listening to things they don?t want to hear, speaking things they don?t believe, wearing things that are uncomfortable or too expensive, all to be noticed or recognized or even to remain unchallenged. What for?
I see the way that people conduct themselves and I sometimes mumble under my breath that I thank all the gods I am not one of them? huh, not one of them?
I am a human, am I not?
Warts and all I am one of those sheep, its just that according to some guy that went to a school probably nobody in my family ever heard of, I have discovered that my wires are crossed, the pattern wasn?t followed in the factory or one spool of wire ran out and they had to change gauge.
My brain is what makes me, me, it is what allows me to make up the ideas that get me from point A to point B, If I want to walk I shall, if I want to run I can. How would that be any different to those I openly shun, how am I special in a way that they are not? I have Aspergers but, maybe that guy over there has it as well, except that no well meaning dude in a polo neck sweater ever asked him enough questions to be able to make a determination that that is what affects him on a daily basis too.
Therefore he has to struggle through on his own never knowing the brilliance of having a website like this one, filled to the gills with likeminded individuals who are nothing if not helpful.
Well, hang on there, just one minute skipper, if I am so unique, then how is it I can identify with any of you? You claim to be my special brand of special, were same same you say, though I have no proof, I actually do believe you cause nobody would want to be like me surely. Excepting of course those lazy bastards who may be able to get a pension and never work again cause of a diagnosis that claims they have trouble integrating!
Bah, I just have trouble accepting that I am not normal, nobody is normal I hear people cry and then they go on to say that I just don?t try hard enough, don?t put enough effort in. Do I really want to go to parties, do I really want to ?hook up? they ask, as though I actually have a choice in the matter. You know as well as I do that we are like a brand new computer straight out of the box but, that it?s a retro computer from the 1970?s sometime, we came off the shelf and sat there with a woefully outdated tape drive and a 128MB hard drive and all programs have to be entered painstakingly over a fortnight by repeated and heated, late night sessions of wrist numbing typing before a game that lasts ten minutes can be played by only one person at a time ; ]
Was that a bad analogy, how about I liken we aspergicals to a piece of fruit, or an automobile, a worn item of clothing or a mangy cat from a vet who was going to put it down. However I put it, however it is said, we all know that we are exactly alike in the way that we are different.
My question is that while we are struggling to come to terms with the way we are, how are we so oblivious to the way that everyone else is struggling, surly they must be, how could it possibly be fair that as a child I could sit in a local shop for an hour, painstakingly trying in vain to spend my pocket money in such a way so as to not only achieve the ultimate value for money but also, longevity of enjoyment, range of color and degree of jealousy from siblings who just got the first thing they saw with their own money.
Explain why I can go without food for 14 hours while I make a list of my book collection via Author, Title, ISBN, Genre, Cost, Size, Series, No# Of Pages and Where It Came From? and once its done, come back tomorrow and rearrange it cause it doesn?t ?seem? right.
Those other poor buggers MUST go through this sort of thing to some degree, it simply cannot be just me and a handful of you guys that wish ill on people for all manner of small things nobody else could possibly care less about, I mean sure I am a killjoy, sure I don?t get it, sure I?m like some bitter old man, but have you ever really smelt some smell and got a splitting headache from it, what about hearing some sound that goes to the core of your being and fries your nerves and that feeling you get when someone you hardly know decides to touch you in a completely random and innocent way, like a handshake or a brush on the arm or a light grip of the elbow or shoulder.
How can they not know the effects of these things and others, how do they just live every day as if they are completely normal, I must ask my own self and by extension, all of you, I simply must, ask these things because I don?t know, I cant possibly know and that worries me, it bothers, erks and perplexes me and? well, there we have it, that?s what Aspergers is, isn?t it?
Oh bother, my brain maybe wired wrong but it sure has lots of storage space for extraneous crap, all this detritus just accumulates in the corners and I have to sweep it out on occasion, don?t you ever wonder about us, the how, the why, don?t you ever just sit there overwhelmed by being you and being an island that nobody can swim to.
Even on here I wonder how many of us are actually what we claim to be, some of the things I read appear to me to be too coherent and well thought out, some of the things I read appear to be too normal! When you post do you bite your lip and wonder while pouring over every word, don?t you go over it so meticulously wondering how many people you will offend today, does it bother you to see only 3 people have read your post and then you get excited cause the next time you log on somebody has finally put a reply, the fools?
Ha-Ha-Ha.
Don?t they know it just encourages me, soon I will have friends and then more friends and then? the world will be mine, I will start a gecko farm in every major city on this earth and you will all have to buy your small lizards from me and me alone!
Okay, this last part is just to determine if anybody actually read this far because I will know, due to the length of time it takes from when you to start reading till I hear laughter. You guys that skipped to the end here, I know who you are, yes you!
See, you feel guilty now I bet, but it?s alright, I didn?t really expect you to read it all. It actually goes on for quite a while and its not really about anything, basically the whole thing is me venting and being silly, hey, it stops me from talking to myself? WOW, hey you know, if you were to read this last bit out loud it might sound as if you were talking to yourself in the third person.
Anyway, if you stayed till the end, I have no idea what you got out of it but I thank you and goodnight ; ]
