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Thing have gotten easier

I had an epiphany today about my own actions and behavior that reflected how I present myself. While I know there is always going to be a kid inside us. This was more immature behavior. Not wanting to face reality as far as life. Wanting to hide away. And I think I disliked myself, not for any reason that was physical but because I knew on some level that I have given up well before I gave myself a chance to try. My stepmother was a symptom of why it got worse, but the root cause has more to do with me and my want to stay ignorant and not cope in better ways.

I do think some of it is on the basis of abandonment issues. I never really got to ever know my bio-mother because she left me and my dad when I was 1 and a half. But from what I have heard, she isn't exactly the best human being. I'll leave it at that.

But because of this realization, I have felt like a huge weight has been dropped. I haven't felt as overwhelmed or as stressed about life today. I know some things will still come up. But general living should hopefully come easier now that I am letting go of and forgiving myself for what I have done in the past. I still will continue psych help to make sure. But this does feel like I have opened a new chapter in my life.



I think self loathing and over analysis of self is a direct result of living in a toxic environment (even without you realizing). I am trying to chase positivity, hanging out with positive people and grey rocking toxic individuals, ignoring depressing thoughts and so far it has worked out great.

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