Alright. Today’s Monday.
I’m on the train to my workplace. It’s jam-packed, people are speaking on their phones, there’s an entire school class in it and I can’t get to my earphones cause the train is too packed to reach for them in my backpack. I’m freaking out. Last night I couldn’t sleep well because my thoughts kept waking me up. I had to change outfits twice before leaving the house this morning because something was always not right.
I am a university student who works as a student assistant 10 hours per week at one of the two departments I am pursuing degrees at, but I spend around 35 hours weekly at said office. I enjoy doing my assignments and studying there. It’s quiet. I’m the youngest. I benefit from being the dumbest person in the room. Family members of mine are worried because they think I work too much and that’s why I’m irritable often. I don’t tell them I am stressed by some of their attempts to get me to do something other than work or research in the intensely busy phase I’m currently in because I know that would hurt them. Another factor that stresses me is one of my colleagues who will rant to me about their problems for at least an hour every day. I will just stand there in their office and listen. I get irritable when I feel like I have a ton of stuff to do and I have to spend my time on things that don’t help me accomplish anything in that area. But I don’t know how to tell my colleague. So I just avoid going to their office.
Last week was bad.
Apart from the aforementioned time-consuming circumstances, I wasn’t exactly delivering peak performances when I got to working either. This might have been caused by the unusual Friday the week prior to that. I was responsible for assisting a guest professor as well as managing their day and bureaucratic matters for eight and a half hours. Before they arrived, there had been some miscommunications via mail which caused a medium-sized fuss at the department and involved two of my professors. Needless to say, I was extra tense picking the guest up from the railway station. Hopefully, I’ll do better this week. I can’t waste any more time since I need to finish that paper before 2019 ends.
So here I am.
So far, none of this has explained why I believe I might be on the spectrum. I think I’m going keep it this way for now and invite you to come along with me as I introduce you to my present life and take you back in time in bite-sized blog posts (and explain why I think I could have ASD, of course). I have no idea where this project will take me. But if I manage to actually maintain this blog, I hope to publish a post titled “And the verdict is…” sooner or later.
Until then, come and join me on my way there. The journey starts today.
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