Since I have now officially become old enough to hang around with the local senior citizens' group, I've started going to some of their functions. The other night I went to a dinner dance that they sponsored in memory of the Titanic 100th anniversary. We were all given the name of a passenger and at a certain point they asked those of us who hadn't "survived" to stand up and those who did to remain seated. Nearly 2/3 of the room stood up. At some tables there wasn't a single person seated. It was visually quite impressive.
But there was another ratio that they didn't discuss and that is the ratio of men to women. Looking around the room I saw far more women at the event than there were men. I'd say that it was about the same as the ratio of survivors to those who didn't make it. Which for this particular event was probably coincidence because more men than women died on the Titanic as everyone knows. However, of the men there, only one of them appeared to have come without a partner even though I know he is married.
All of my adult life I have been told that if I want to find a decent man to forget about looking in the bars (I don't do that anyway) and concentrate on activities that I like to do, because that is where I will find someone who shares my interests and values. Go to church. Well, I have done all those things, and that has not happened. Nor is it likely to happen.
I do not know where single men my age are to be found--I mean those who are looking for a long-term female partner--but I can definitely tell you where they are NOT to be found. Forget about going to events hoping to meet up with someone who is available and looking. Very few people go to events by themselves. Very few. Think about it. And as far as volunteer work or church, by the time you get to middle age/early seniorhood, if you are female, most of the men you will come in contact with are married. Yes, there are those that are on the prowl and they unfortunately can be found anywhere but that is not what I am talking about.
In the church I am currently attending there are no single men my age and maybe one or two that are younger. Maybe. The fact is when I made enquiries nobody really knows. They know who is female and single, but not male and single. Now is this a plot to keep me from "going after" the single men or are the single men simply not there? I suspect the answer is "not there." When I was active in the abstinence movement it was the same thing. No one had any unmarried sons, brothers, male friends. There was no "there's someone I want you to meet." Unless--and this was never in a church setting--there was someone who was socially unacceptable. For some reason this was thought as a big joke to introduce the two of us oddballs. I used to enjoy going to a certain auction until some of my "friends" decided to play matchmaker and tried to fix me up with a certain guy that everyone made fun of. He wasn't interested in me and I definitely wasn't interested in him and there was absolutely nothing there except the idea of look at those two together, ha, ha, ha. You may think I am too dumb to know what is going on but trust me I do and I no longer associate with those people. That is the only matchmaking that anyone has ever done for me.
At any rate, I have accepted the fact that I will be single and I am not complaining about that. What I am talking about is all these happy hopeful people (all married) who advise people like myself to never give up hope. Why don't THEY play matchmaker then? Because the truth is--and they don't want to admit it--the odds are very much against an older never-married woman finding a partner. I read something once by a priest that said that most people get married for the first time at least in their 20's and if you see someone significantly older than that who has never married, there is usually some reason why they are not considered marriage material by the vast majority of people looking for a mate. That may sound harsh but it is true. Since there are slightly more women around than men in the United States most men who want mates usually can find find one. If a man finds himself consistently rejected by women around him, he needs to take a good hard look at himself. Unfortunately most of the men I know of who are involuntarily single also have traits that make themselves socially unacceptable. It's a sad fact of life that an abusive man has an easier time finding a woman who will put up with his abuse than someone who may be on the spectrum.
There is joke going around that I am afraid is not very nice but it goes like this: Why are men like parking lots? Because the good ones are taken and the ones left over are handicapped. This unfortunately is all too true all too often but nobody wants to come out and say it. Yes, there are online dating sites but I am not a big fan of online dating. I'm not interested in long-distance relationships. I'm old-fashioned, I'm into face-to-face relationships. Quite frankly, I know how easy it is to hide behind a screen, even with a video it's hard to really evaluate a person. I have a friend right now that is in an online relationship with a man who lives in another country and I hate to say it but I think she is going to be burned BAD. Apparently he was supposed to come to the States and be with her but all of a sudden he has run into snags trying to leave the country he is currently in and now he is asking her for money--and she is sending it to him even though she has very little herself!! But what can you say to a person in the throes of "love"? You can't. That's not to say that there aren't or can't be good online relationships that bloom into something more. But I feel it's much more risky. Besides, if the people I am around have "voted" that I'm not marriage or relationship material simply by their actions or inactions why should I think I would have any better luck with strangers.
But there was another ratio that they didn't discuss and that is the ratio of men to women. Looking around the room I saw far more women at the event than there were men. I'd say that it was about the same as the ratio of survivors to those who didn't make it. Which for this particular event was probably coincidence because more men than women died on the Titanic as everyone knows. However, of the men there, only one of them appeared to have come without a partner even though I know he is married.
All of my adult life I have been told that if I want to find a decent man to forget about looking in the bars (I don't do that anyway) and concentrate on activities that I like to do, because that is where I will find someone who shares my interests and values. Go to church. Well, I have done all those things, and that has not happened. Nor is it likely to happen.
I do not know where single men my age are to be found--I mean those who are looking for a long-term female partner--but I can definitely tell you where they are NOT to be found. Forget about going to events hoping to meet up with someone who is available and looking. Very few people go to events by themselves. Very few. Think about it. And as far as volunteer work or church, by the time you get to middle age/early seniorhood, if you are female, most of the men you will come in contact with are married. Yes, there are those that are on the prowl and they unfortunately can be found anywhere but that is not what I am talking about.
In the church I am currently attending there are no single men my age and maybe one or two that are younger. Maybe. The fact is when I made enquiries nobody really knows. They know who is female and single, but not male and single. Now is this a plot to keep me from "going after" the single men or are the single men simply not there? I suspect the answer is "not there." When I was active in the abstinence movement it was the same thing. No one had any unmarried sons, brothers, male friends. There was no "there's someone I want you to meet." Unless--and this was never in a church setting--there was someone who was socially unacceptable. For some reason this was thought as a big joke to introduce the two of us oddballs. I used to enjoy going to a certain auction until some of my "friends" decided to play matchmaker and tried to fix me up with a certain guy that everyone made fun of. He wasn't interested in me and I definitely wasn't interested in him and there was absolutely nothing there except the idea of look at those two together, ha, ha, ha. You may think I am too dumb to know what is going on but trust me I do and I no longer associate with those people. That is the only matchmaking that anyone has ever done for me.
At any rate, I have accepted the fact that I will be single and I am not complaining about that. What I am talking about is all these happy hopeful people (all married) who advise people like myself to never give up hope. Why don't THEY play matchmaker then? Because the truth is--and they don't want to admit it--the odds are very much against an older never-married woman finding a partner. I read something once by a priest that said that most people get married for the first time at least in their 20's and if you see someone significantly older than that who has never married, there is usually some reason why they are not considered marriage material by the vast majority of people looking for a mate. That may sound harsh but it is true. Since there are slightly more women around than men in the United States most men who want mates usually can find find one. If a man finds himself consistently rejected by women around him, he needs to take a good hard look at himself. Unfortunately most of the men I know of who are involuntarily single also have traits that make themselves socially unacceptable. It's a sad fact of life that an abusive man has an easier time finding a woman who will put up with his abuse than someone who may be on the spectrum.
There is joke going around that I am afraid is not very nice but it goes like this: Why are men like parking lots? Because the good ones are taken and the ones left over are handicapped. This unfortunately is all too true all too often but nobody wants to come out and say it. Yes, there are online dating sites but I am not a big fan of online dating. I'm not interested in long-distance relationships. I'm old-fashioned, I'm into face-to-face relationships. Quite frankly, I know how easy it is to hide behind a screen, even with a video it's hard to really evaluate a person. I have a friend right now that is in an online relationship with a man who lives in another country and I hate to say it but I think she is going to be burned BAD. Apparently he was supposed to come to the States and be with her but all of a sudden he has run into snags trying to leave the country he is currently in and now he is asking her for money--and she is sending it to him even though she has very little herself!! But what can you say to a person in the throes of "love"? You can't. That's not to say that there aren't or can't be good online relationships that bloom into something more. But I feel it's much more risky. Besides, if the people I am around have "voted" that I'm not marriage or relationship material simply by their actions or inactions why should I think I would have any better luck with strangers.
