• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Self struggles

I had a long talk with my uncle last night about issues that have been happening on the constant for as long as I have been alive. The biggest question is who I am as a person. I don't have an answer on any level for that. I somehow coasted through life not paying much attention to nearly anything with myself, let alone the world around me. Simple things like your favorite ice cream flavor, or favorite color are simple things. Anyone could answer that. Yet I struggle to find an answer. Landing on not even knowing that. I could guess maybe on some things. But I feel like I have disconnected on such a level that life isn't the only thing I seem lost with.

Yet I learned to read and write. I, however, have done nothing with it hardly.

Sure I have made an active effort to find out about some aspects of what's going on with me. But it's all medical stuff. I haven't used my literacy for much else. I have issues with recalling stuff taught in school. I could try to search for things to remedy that. I don't. As a matter of fact, I don't do anything unless told to. Like a little kid. Or a dog... or something like that. That's the worst part of this. I have no will of my own hardly. I rarely think of things on my own through the realm of common sense alot of times with things involving me interacting with the world in any capacity. People could talk about things that make sense to me, but applying any of that sense in how I function is an absolute zero.

I have tried to pay attention to myself. I have tried to pay attention to things around me. I can do it in some capacity with my surroundings. But paying attention to myself is the biggest struggle. As if I am trying to intentionally ignore my own problems and am running from the truth. Not just with possibly having aspergers/autism, but just me as a person.

While I know there is no quick fix for years of crap I have put myself through, I still feel like I am looking for a quick fix regardless. Like I need to find the solution now, instead of taking a bit at a time till a solution can be found.


There are no comments to display.

Blog entry information

Read time
2 min read
Last update

More entries in General

  • Finding the right word…
    Lately I notice that I struggle to find the right words to describe something. For example, I...
  • Conspiracy theories
    As a student of history, I get the impression that conspiracy theories are based on a touching...
  • Self-assessment struggles
    You know. I always mention how there are clues in our wording, when we are down on ourselves...
  • Anglo Saxons
    I am looking to do a thesis at the end of my history degree ie: when all the coursework has been...
  • Feelings
    The feeling Of rain inside, the storm, the cold, the darkness. The need to keep the lights off...

More entries from Xinyta

  • I don't belong
    I know I have always talked like humanity is something to be apart of. Yet I have days where I...
  • I have an idea
    I have started looking into the idea of a dual layered system. Masking and a psychological...
  • I have never let go
    I see my folly. I am afraid of the truth. I am afraid to face myself. I have never in my life...
  • I am my Stepmother
    This is a thing I need to admit to myself. No matter how much I despised her, I still took on...
  • Early Life part 2
    I do only remember bits and pieces of what happened. My dad found the woman who would be my...

Share this entry

Top Bottom