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Save the worm

By Raggamuffin · May 10, 2021 · ·
  1. The fatigue is real – I had a nap yesterday that left me feeling even more tired. In the end I got an early night, but I woke up this morning a lot earlier than expected. Last week I started work early several times, but it really makes the shift feel like a drag. Still, I guess it’s more productive to get to work early than mill around the house for an hour or so before I drive in.

    I saw a crow feeding on a recently run over pigeon. I drive slowly when I see birds ahead, sometimes I even have to come to a stop before the bird realises it has to fly off. This happens particularly with collared doves, which are a little slow on the uptake. When I parked my car at work, I noticed a worm crawling along the carpark. I picked it up and put it on the long grass verge that’s between our paved car park and the pavement. It’s about 3 metres long and about 10 metres wide, so it’s plenty of space for the worm to burrow underground. I often wonder how many people would do the same in a similar situation. I could never leave a living creature in danger, had I not moved the worm it either would’ve been run over, or would’ve dried out. I wondered if it had been dropped from the beak of a bird as all the surrounding grass is up a kerb, so there’s no logical way it could’ve ended up in the middle of a car park.

    Hayfever is bad this morning, in fact it was bad yesterday. It’s why gardening was cut short. I tried to get some stuff cleared and my eyes were constantly streaming water and soon my nose was getting runny. This is my first year experiencing it, but I’ve now accepted what Kristy suggested – that this is clearly hayfever and not caused by the builder’s dust settling in the house after the recent work.

    The plaster is almost entirely dry in the bathroom. I’ll check again tonight, and then I’m going to hammer out the base coat on all 3 ceilings. I’ll avoid buying the roller extension unless I have to. As such, I’ll use our step ladder and the rollers etc we already own. See how it goes. Mind you, it looks like we might need to paint undercoat on the utility room and living room walls. Shall have to wait and see – personally I’m not averse to the idea, but it’d need to be done next month when I can afford to buy enough paint. Painting is actually quite relaxing, and so I’d be quite happy to continue doing it.

    Truth be told, part of me would quite like to get the house done fully – that is, to get new carpets for the stairs and 3 bedrooms, along with getting the other 2 bedrooms plastered. I know that Kristy wouldn’t feel the same way though. She doesn’t like spending money when she doesn’t consider it necessary. In fact – she was quite sour about the plasterer expenditure, but it needed doing. Whilst the other 2 bedrooms just need wallpaper removing, paint and new carpets – I wasn’t happy putting a house on the market when 2 ceilings downstairs had large patches of the original plaster missing.

    Started work today with absolutely no enthusiasm. Tired and full of gayfever. I’m going to call the paintball place on my lunch break. Kristy’s friend, Henry wants to paintball with me at the end of the month. I’ll be interested to find out the cost, as I’d like to do more paintballing next month too. Kristy mentioned to me yesterday that she thinks Henry, among other friends of hers might be on the spectrum.

    Initially Kristy was dubious about autism when I started talking about the condition. As time has gone by, I have discussed it with her more, and she seems more receptive. Sometimes, whilst I’m reading an eBook on my computer, I offer to read out loud to her. I have read to her twice in the past 2 weeks out of the new book I’ve got about autism and addiction. I’ve noticed my ability to read aloud has got a lot smoother in a short space of time. It used to be very clumsy, and I’d frequently make mistakes and have to backtrack.

    After 2 hours in the office, my hayfever was calming down, and then it began to flare up again. I glanced around the office and noticed someone had opened a window – whilst the air con is already on. This sort of behaviour frustrates me to no end. You wouldn’t leave a fridge or oven door on, so why do you think air conditioning would work when a window is open? I remember people would complain in previous office jobs I worked that the windows wouldn’t open. Well, that’s why we have air con – and that’s why you could go outside on your lunchbreak, but it seems that only the smokers would do that.

    Sunday I was starting to feel a little down, and it’s clear that I’m feeling worse today. I think the lack of exercise doesn’t help – it means I’m not getting outside as much. I think my knuckle might need another week or 2. Whilst it is feeling a lot better, I still notice the odd movement can cause a twinge. Mind you, these movements aren’t causing much discomfort at all – but it’s still noticeable that my knuckle needs more time.

    I’ve noticed that my supervisor has recently been trying to start up conversations which begin with him complaining about how busy he is. He’s preaching to the choir – I’m in the same boat, and I don’t really care how busy he is. I’ve been overworked ever since they fired Graham last year. He seems to enjoy starting conversations with complaints. I sometimes wonder if I didn’t entertain these complaints as much as I had, perhaps he wouldn’t keep doing it. I guess it’s just what him and Carolyn like to do – they moan a lot. Then again, I suppose so do I on here, but I usually keep it all bottled up around people. My supervisor continues to email me multiple times a week to complain about what I haven’t done, or have done wrong – it’s extremely tedious and I think it often has the opposite effect to what he hopes will happen. At least he isn’t as much of a bully as my last supervisor was.

    Getting in an hour or two early starts to feel like a mistake around this point. My mind and body associates being in the office for around 3 hours to coincide with my lunch – instead I’ve got a lot longer to wait. Lunch is a little disheartening at the moment with not being able to staff. A break from my usual routine is upsetting – not to the point of meltdown or anything of that nature, it just makes me feel down.

    That Facebook dating app literally ran out of profiles to show me. I went through that many and out of the hundreds I viewed, I think I selected less than 10 I liked, of those, 3 replied in kind and of those, only 1 seems able to maintain a conversation, albeit with very delayed and sporadic replies.

    The guy who does motorcycle training is in the office today. I need to ask him how long they think the backlog will take to clear. I get my annual gravel cheque end of this month or next. That’ll be enough to cover all test costs as well as well as putting over £1200 into my savings. In a few years those cheques will go up in value tenfold. Exciting times ahead. Mind you – it’ll ruin my tax code, which means I’ll earn even less from this poorly paid job. But it’ll enable me to live mortgage free before I’m 45. After that, I’ll be using the cheques to build up savings so that I can retire early and get out of the rat race.


    About Author

    Ed, 34, UK

    I'm an underachiever with numerous talents. Exhausted by people and being stuck in the rat race. Unable to shake depression for nearly 2 decades.

    Approaching a year and a half sober. I've undertaken numerous lifestyle changes in recent years. I'd hoped they'd provide some solace from mental health issues. In reality, I know work is my main stressor. 16 years spent in jobs I've never considered careers, or worthy of my time.


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  1. tree
    Me. I also would move the worm.
      Raggamuffin likes this.