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Roulette

  1. I am so done with chemo. I have had only 2 infusions, but in that time it has damaged my heart, my lungs, my liver, and my pancreas. I have had a hospital stay because of it. I am young and was healthy a month ago other than lymphoma. Now I have health problems that old ladies have.

    I want to go straight Tommy Chong and fight this naturally. Not with marijuana. My parents were on drugs when I was a kid and the last thing I want to do is take something they and their friends filled the house with. There were all kinds of druggies in my life growing up, and if I said anything to defend myself as a kid I was ridiculed with "Oh there's Mcgruff again". Meanwhile Tweakers, Junkies, Stoners, Alcoholics, etc were all I knew of adults to the point that as a young adult I behaved like them because I thought that's how mature adults acted, I didn't know I was copying addict behaviors.

    But what I mean is he didn't use any chemo or radiation. I am a medicinal herbalist and have many books that have remedies that fight diseases from Syphyllis to Cancer, to the common cold with just herbs, nutrition, and natural treatments.

    But that kind of cure is not guaranteed, in fact it is almost from the start, doomed to failure. Chemotherapy is my loveletter to my daughter. She can't be motherless. Her Dad totally abandoned her on her birthday. Now I have to fight to live.

    But the chemo is overloading and damaging my organs, severely, even after only one month!

    So do I do the chemo that may kill me, or the natural therapies, and maybe the cancer will kill me? I don't know. All I know is I have to live. I have to see her through high school and college and make sure she has someone to help her start out in life.

    I can't die. I can't let myself.

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