Back when I was a teenager I got involved with a "home church" Bible study that everyone called "Ralph's Fellowship." I met them when they came to talk to my Catholic high school. It was in the 1970's and the Jesus Movement was sweeping the US, so I suppose that's why they were invited to talk.
At first my parents were delighted. I was a lonely awkward teen with no friends and here was a chance for me to get out of the house. It was safe, there would be no drinking, drugs or sex, and it didn't cost them any money or even transportation as someone from the group would be picking me up. But as I got further and further involved they became alarmed.
I am not saying that this group's intentions were evil. On the contrary I believe they were quite sincere. But little by little they were encouraging me to give up "worldly" ways and conform to their thinking. This is bad enough at any age, but when you are an already-withdrawn teenager who should be thinking about her future this is a recipe for trouble. Add to that the group's conviction that Jesus was coming back before the end of the decade--well for someone who was struggling socially and was facing an uncertain and frightening future, that was really good news. I didn't have to worry about how I was going to pay for college with no real job skills, because there would be no need for all that.
So while my peers were learning eyeshadow, I was learning Ephesians. They were learning lip gloss and I was learning Leviticus. They were learning the skills and inside information that it takes to succeed in this world, while I was preparing for the Second Coming. Furthermore, I was being taught to look on everyone not of that group as being somewhat suspect. So I was being limited even further, because there was nobody in that group that could serve as the kind of mentor that I really needed, and those who were in a position to serve as mentors were disqualified because of their worldliness. To this day it rather irks me that the people who claimed to care about me failed to give me advice on grooming, appearance and social skills (and God knows I needed them) whereas those who were supposedly "lost" often tried to go out of their way to help me in those areas. I just wonder how many opportunities I lost because I was not receptive to their advice.
Gradually I came to see that being involved in religion was not good for me. I had been brought up to think of religion as being positive; furthermore, I wasn't given any choice in the matter. To do--openly--the kind of questioning that I have done now that I am middle-aged would not have been safe.
I have learned to treat religion the way a recovering alcoholic treats alcohol--with care. Even though I am now agnostic and don't really believe in God, the danger of a relapse is too great. It's too easy for me to surrender my mind and judgment to a group; and the groups that are most aggressive in evangelizing are often the groups that preach the most withdrawal from the world. I don't need any more encouragement along those lines; I need to embrace life, not hide from it.
At first my parents were delighted. I was a lonely awkward teen with no friends and here was a chance for me to get out of the house. It was safe, there would be no drinking, drugs or sex, and it didn't cost them any money or even transportation as someone from the group would be picking me up. But as I got further and further involved they became alarmed.
I am not saying that this group's intentions were evil. On the contrary I believe they were quite sincere. But little by little they were encouraging me to give up "worldly" ways and conform to their thinking. This is bad enough at any age, but when you are an already-withdrawn teenager who should be thinking about her future this is a recipe for trouble. Add to that the group's conviction that Jesus was coming back before the end of the decade--well for someone who was struggling socially and was facing an uncertain and frightening future, that was really good news. I didn't have to worry about how I was going to pay for college with no real job skills, because there would be no need for all that.
So while my peers were learning eyeshadow, I was learning Ephesians. They were learning lip gloss and I was learning Leviticus. They were learning the skills and inside information that it takes to succeed in this world, while I was preparing for the Second Coming. Furthermore, I was being taught to look on everyone not of that group as being somewhat suspect. So I was being limited even further, because there was nobody in that group that could serve as the kind of mentor that I really needed, and those who were in a position to serve as mentors were disqualified because of their worldliness. To this day it rather irks me that the people who claimed to care about me failed to give me advice on grooming, appearance and social skills (and God knows I needed them) whereas those who were supposedly "lost" often tried to go out of their way to help me in those areas. I just wonder how many opportunities I lost because I was not receptive to their advice.
Gradually I came to see that being involved in religion was not good for me. I had been brought up to think of religion as being positive; furthermore, I wasn't given any choice in the matter. To do--openly--the kind of questioning that I have done now that I am middle-aged would not have been safe.
I have learned to treat religion the way a recovering alcoholic treats alcohol--with care. Even though I am now agnostic and don't really believe in God, the danger of a relapse is too great. It's too easy for me to surrender my mind and judgment to a group; and the groups that are most aggressive in evangelizing are often the groups that preach the most withdrawal from the world. I don't need any more encouragement along those lines; I need to embrace life, not hide from it.