Super angry, pissed off. Father suddenly said I shouldn't have revealed my ASD. I just told him that I need a reason supported for explaining me not serving NS, while secretly being angry for two things:
(1) He saying that I should not serve NS despite my own personal wishes
(2) Me knowing that despite the marginal benefits I have as compared to the other individuals, I am still not able to fulfill my personal dreams and aspirations for the time being
I'd love to be an urban planner. Already I feel so useless, feel that Singapore is a result of compromises to economic nonsense (without money, how can you not resist the temptation to build one more condo project instead of a nice park that burns money) despite reading many more urban planning books... I feel that I am one of the best, but then I feel handicapped by both my ASD and also my lack of ability to connect with both the ordinary folks and the URA people. Without good interpersonal skills and limited opportunities to really prove my area of interest in urban planning or urban studies, I do not really feel empowered. As one mentioned, my bubble is burst.
Then I considered law... I know autistic attorneys in America. Not sure about Singapore though. But I think law is getting more lame. Even far-flung Australian unis offer law with minimal requirements. Only vet, dentistry, medicine and quantitative fnance have high entry requirements, and these careers look promising. What's the use then of studying so hard to --- laugh --- be an urban planner? Should have just practised on Maths (although I am not Math material) to work on quantitative finance.
I guess I am more angry not because of my father's comments, he's just stating what's present: I am just angry because I am seeking for an empty, hollow opportunity that by itself brings almost nothing but hollow 'satisfaction' that others may not know.
What's my talents? I have no talents, and if they are, they aren't employable nor good enough to compete with the best.
Already, there are unemployed PhDs who have ASDs... The reason, the lack of employability in the degree.
(1) He saying that I should not serve NS despite my own personal wishes
(2) Me knowing that despite the marginal benefits I have as compared to the other individuals, I am still not able to fulfill my personal dreams and aspirations for the time being
I'd love to be an urban planner. Already I feel so useless, feel that Singapore is a result of compromises to economic nonsense (without money, how can you not resist the temptation to build one more condo project instead of a nice park that burns money) despite reading many more urban planning books... I feel that I am one of the best, but then I feel handicapped by both my ASD and also my lack of ability to connect with both the ordinary folks and the URA people. Without good interpersonal skills and limited opportunities to really prove my area of interest in urban planning or urban studies, I do not really feel empowered. As one mentioned, my bubble is burst.
Then I considered law... I know autistic attorneys in America. Not sure about Singapore though. But I think law is getting more lame. Even far-flung Australian unis offer law with minimal requirements. Only vet, dentistry, medicine and quantitative fnance have high entry requirements, and these careers look promising. What's the use then of studying so hard to --- laugh --- be an urban planner? Should have just practised on Maths (although I am not Math material) to work on quantitative finance.
I guess I am more angry not because of my father's comments, he's just stating what's present: I am just angry because I am seeking for an empty, hollow opportunity that by itself brings almost nothing but hollow 'satisfaction' that others may not know.
What's my talents? I have no talents, and if they are, they aren't employable nor good enough to compete with the best.
Already, there are unemployed PhDs who have ASDs... The reason, the lack of employability in the degree.
