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Quite an eventful week last week

  1. Today is supposedly the day we'll get a date for the exchange of contracts on our house sale. The estate agent seemed confident enough to provide a day last week. When I rang her this morning she said that chasing the buyer's solicitor was "on her list" but that she hadn't got around to it yet. I tried ringing our solicitor but got no reply, so I sent an email. I stressed that we need this all complete before the end of the month as we're not paying a 3rd month of bills etc. for a house we're not living in. This is the first time in over 6 months that I've applied some sort of pressure - this has to be done. We literally cannot afford to keep paying these house bills. Kristy has no money and doesn't want to go into her savings, and I can't afford the dental bills + paying for this house. It needs sorting NOW.

    So, a recap of last week. I went to the lakes by work on Monday's lunch break. I got some wonderful photos of swans. Not long after sitting by the lake, 2 swans swam over to me. I assume they thought I had food. When they realised I didn't one got out of the water and stood less than a metre infront of me and began cleaning and grooming itself. It was quite a sight to see. Normally if a swan is close, it starts hissing and you back away. But this felt unthreatning, and I actually felt privelaged that such an event took place.

    Every evening last week I went to my new spot, at the graveyard on the edge of the village. On Monday and Sunday evening, the sunset colours were breathtaking. Truly a beautiful sight.

    Mon or Tue night I went out for a late night walk around 10. I was surprised to see 2 other men doing the same thing. It was quite pleasant. The village has a nice atmosphere. Whereas, the 2 times last week, and again this morning, when I drove to March to check on the house - I realised that town doesn't have a pleasant atmosphere at all.

    On Wednesday we had some new starters in the office. One is a trainee engineer. Initially he sat with Tom and they chatted about football, something I didn't enjoy listening to. Then, when he sat with me we hit it off. Ended up going for lunch at a fish & chip shop nearby. Added him on Facebook too. It's a shame he is from far away and I'll rarely speak with him on the phone as he works for a separate department. Still, it was nice to have a connection with someone new again.

    Later that afternoon I had the other new starter sat with me. We didn't really hit it off. Conversation was lacking and, even though he was sat with me for 4 hours, there was no connection. Since then, every time he walks past me he makes no eye contact and blanks me. I guess now I know how it feels for others when I do the same? Didn't feel nice, in fact it made me angry.

    Thursday I didn't end up going to the spiritualist evening. Still quite burnt out socially. Also, the last time I went there it was very busy and the noise before the medium began was deafning. 30 to 40 people all chatting at once? I was drained before I went there and that noise was too much for me.

    Tom thanked me for all my hard work when we finished on Friday. I'm still all caught up, and it's been over a month now. I'm not doing any early starts. In fact, last week I left at 07:30 on several days. Rather than 06:30. However, with me missing the evening sunsets in 2 weeks and not being able to do my current routine, I'm considering setting off earlier to watch the sunrise around 7am instead for a few weeks/months. Depending when it occurs etc. But the lakes at work would be a nice spot to watch it.

    Haven't met Jack since our Friday night burger on 1st October. I've felt ok with regards to socialising - or lack thereof. A few chats with Tom at work, but nothing major. I've felt a bit more positive in general, and less stressed. Mind you, my body is aching 24/7 at the moment. I put it mainly down to house stress/waiting. The closer we get to month end without updates, the worse it gets.

    Stomach pains, rib pains, muscular pains, back pains, tooth pains, ear pains, neck pains, head pains. Sometimes I am quite angry about how broken I feel. I was worried going back to my folks would result in a backwards step in mental health and wellbeing. It was a big worry, and so I think my body might be playing up to it. In truth, I'm spending more time outside to ground myself and try and take the edge off.

    Spoke with the dog walker at the park near work twice. Got to pet the dog, Daps. Very energetic Border Collie cross. Keeps jumping up at me even though the owner seems frustrated and embaressed that he does that. Personally I'm so excited to see a dog, it's only natural that a young dog would react in such a way to my energy.

    At the graveyard in the evenings I've seen a mother and son walking their dogs each day. On Monday I got chatting to the woman as I sat on the antique tractor seat and looked out at the sunset. I spoke of moving back to Haddenham and looking to buy. She said her son bought a place in Chatteris (2 villages away - somewhere I'm looking to buy) and it was affordable there. Strange that a 15 min drive can knock 30-50% off the value of a house.

    She said her son was discharged with disability from the army. The next day I see a guy covered in tattoos who was shutting the gate to the graveyard. When he turned around he jumped and was startled to see me. We got chatting, and I immediately knew this was the son. He wasn't all there, but I could tell her was a kind-hearted soul.

    On Wednesday the woman said her partner was taken to A&E due to complications with diabetes. Over 100 in the waiting room at A&E. GP's in UK are very hesitant to see patients since COVID. Hence why A&E is experiencing record levels with waiting times etc. When I asked for an update the next day she kept it brief, but said he was doing ok.

    After work on Friday I drove back to check on the house and then headed home. I rolled 2 J's and went to watch the sunset and have a smoke. Afterwards I decided to do a long walk I'd had planned. It's the route I cycle which goes from our village, to the hamlet next to it, then down a single track farm drove and back to Haddenham. It's about 5.5 miles and takes 2 hours.

    I walked it without using a phone torch and guided only by moonlight. Inbetween Haddenham and the hamlet, Aldreth - there's a hill view with no houses and you can look out 10+ miles to Cambridge in the distance. It was twilight at that point, and seeing the city lights in the distance was stunning.

    When I walked through Aldreth and got to the end of the High Street, the street lamps end and the road splits into 4. 3 are farmland droves, single track, concrete roads that are 50+ years old. Cracked, damaged and overgrown. Still used by tractors etc, but not suitable for cars at all.

    Initially I was worried that I might miss my step on the uneven ground, but I realised soon enough that the moonlight made the drove just about visible. I heard all sorts of animals in the dark and rustling in bushes and trees along my walk. I had another smoke on the way and I was pretty monged in all honesty. But it felt refreshing. It was a little adventure for me and I really enjoyed it. At one point I stood next to a line of trees that sounded like I was at the seashore as the wind rustled through the leaves. Towards the end of my walk before I reached Haddenham, I heard these animals making strange noises, almost like the Clangers from that old TV show.

    Impulse bought a 3070TI graphics card on Wednesday. It arrived Friday and when I unboxed it I was shocked at the size difference. It's way too big - obnoxiously so. Thankfully it fit in my case and my PSU could run it. But it didn't add any noticeable perfomance upgrade in games over my 1080GTX. Troublesome games still ran bad. Others ran a little better but still had framerate dips that caused fraction of a second microstutter (which annoys me to no end). So that was a waste of £850. Need to spend another £1200 to build a new PC and remove the bottleneck that my 6700K processor must be causing.

    Played Dayz on the weekend. Such a beautiful and relaxing game. Friend made a private server. Has some quality of life mod changes which enhance the experience. Over the years the developers have improved the graphics. It's running at very high and some settings on extreme. It looks wonderful and it's so relaxing to play. Walking through abandoned villages and towns in an 80+ square mile map. Sneaking about to ensure you don't get zombies chasing you. Giving other players a wide berth as The Walking Dead and Dayz prove so aptly - humans are more dangerous than zombies in a post apocalypse. Most on Dayz shoot or try and kill others on site - to loot their stuff. When you die, you lose everything and have to start all over again.

    I love making new characters in every game. So for me - Dayz is perfect.

    Also been hooked on a phone game - first time that's happened in years. It's called Rush Royale. I progressed up to arena 9 then hit a wall. I hadn't unlocked characters I should've done in previous arenas and suddenly I wasn't at all competitive in Arena 9 PVP. So I remade the game and now I'm taking my time with each Arena/level to get all card unlocks etc. to ensure I do well in Arena 9 when I reach it again.

    So, all in all - quite an eventful week last week:

    Bodily pains - terrible.
    Mood - improving.
    House progress - N/A.
    Socialising - not bad.
    Alone time - plenty.
    Time spent outdoors - increasing.

    Since our chats, my mum has been very understanding in me needing a lot of "me time" to recharge recently.


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