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Paul in the Twenty-First Century: A Fantasy

One day the Apostle Paul and his companions were walking along a dusty road in what is now Turkey when all of a sudden a bright light shone around them and Paul fell to the ground. When he awoke, his companions were nowhere to be seen. Instead, he found himself in a city. But it was like no city he had ever seen. There was absolutely nothing familiar about it at all. Strangely dressed people were passing by, talking in a language he couldn't understand. Many of them appeared to have a hand to one ear. Other people were sitting in wheeled boxes that moved of their own accord. He looked up at the buildings--taller than anything ever built at Babel--and there were more box-like things flying through the air! What sorcery is this? he wondered. He could hear something that sounded like it might be music but did not see any musicians. It seemed to be coming from the wheeled boxes. There were other noises he couldn't identify and the air had a strange odor. In short, he was having a sensory overload.

Just as he was on the verge of a total meltdown, having almost been run over by one of the wheeled boxes, he smelled food cooking. He followed it around the corner and found a Greek grilling kebabs at an outdoor stand. The Greek's name was Demetrios and he had recently immigrated from Athens. While he had some trouble following Paul's Greek, the two were able to make themselves understood. When Demetrios found out who Paul was, his eyes widened. "I've heard all about you!" he said. "How did you get here?" Paul explained about the light. "Where am I?" he asked. "You are in (and he named a city in the American Midwest)". That only made Paul more confused, and the more Demetrios explained the more confused he got.

Finally he understood that he was in a part of the world that hadn't been known about in his time, and that he had jumped forward 20 centuries. That also took a bit of explaining. "You mean that it has been 2,000 years and the Lord hasn't come back yet?"
"That's right," said Demetrios, "but there are people saying that He's coming any day now. Some people think it will be May 21 this year." By this time it was time to close up the kebab stand and head home. Paul hesitated about getting into Demetrios' "car" but Demetrios assured him it was safe. "I am a very good driver," he said. "No tickets, no accidents." Which of course meant more explanations.

When they got to Demetrios' apartment there were even more wonders to astound Paul. In the meantime, word had leaked out somehow that THE Apostle Paul was in town. Someone had filmed him talking with Demetrios at the kebab stand and now it was going viral on You Tube. Demetrios' apartment was soon surrounded by a mob. The Pope was calling from the Vatican. Then the Archbishop of Canterbury. Every Christian leader it seemed was trying to get in touch. Even non-Christian leaders, for that matter.

Now there was nothing more that Paul liked than to get up in front of a crowd and talk about his favorite subject, Jesus, and here was the mother of all crowds. So many that it was decided to rent the Superdome and broadcast it live to the whole world. Naturally, extra security had to be hired to deal with picketers and other disgruntled people but on the whole things went relatively smoothly.

On the big day, Paul strode out onto the stage. By this time he had picked up a little English so he was able to address the crowd without much help from Demetrios. He started out with his standard speech, only to have the audience erupt in booing. "Which church? Which church?" they began to chant. Paul looked helplessly at Demetrios. "They want to know which church is the true church," he said. "What do you mean?" Paul asked. So Demetrios gave a quick history of Christianity and how it came to be splintered into hundreds of competing denominations. "Oy vey," said Paul. "This is worse than in Corinth." He looked up at the ceiling and said a quick prayer. A hush fell over the crowd.

All of a sudden, there was another bright light. Paul awoke to find himself on the road with his companions peering anxiously over him. "Are you all right?" they asked. "Boy, am I ever glad to see you!" he said. "You will never believe what happened . . ."

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Spinning Compass
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