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On recognizing what one's feeling

By Nauti · Mar 17, 2019 · ·
  1. So I realised, today, why I was feeling "flat" yesterday.
    It's been pretty tough lately, a tough phase in a pretty tough life.
    In the last three years I've suffered three miscarriages, cut ties with my selfish, irresponsible and personality disordered mother, lost one colleague and one close friend to suicide, had three admissions to a group therapy trauma program in a psych hospital, found out my 20-year-old-son was sexually assaulted ar age 11, found out that, when my callous grandiose ex, who lied poisonously to turn my children against me had "care" of my teen and young adult children, my middle son tried to kill himself "a bunch of times" according to my younger son, lost ourJack Russell to a brown snake, had an (obviously also personality disordered) next door neighbor assault my boyfriend and scream death threats at us because we questioned her throwing dog feaces on the other next door neighbor's children's toys, she then tried to frame my bf in court and accuse him of what she was guilty of (I witnessed it). This court hearing was when I was losing a foetus, a baby girl, who was dead in my womb for an entire month, due to negligent medical care and being disregared by my doctor. The case was thrown out, but that kind of stress was very damaging.That was the worst of it, but by no means everything.

    So when my boyfriend's co-parent started to tear down her youngest son, the young man I've helped to raise (he was besties with my 20-year-old before I even met his Dad) calling him the most vile and abusive things (she texted horrible things about her son, my bf and me, no, we haven't done anything wrong she just has untreated borderline personality disorder) and he was calling, BESIDE himself day and night, I got stressed and triggered. Oh, might I mention that I'm currently doing a 18 week group therapy program for childhood sexual abuse.

    Yes, I've had a tough time of it.

    And yesterday, my boyfriend went to visit his son and he didn't want me along. I felt left out and like my agency was deprived me. My boyfriend was a little worried because his ex had riled up a whole non-white neighborhood (thanks lefty victim collectivist political-media,in my country, who only think about race and gender and not INDIVIDUALS, for whipping up identity division and divides) and it was a worry that they would make it racial rather than what it was, a mentally ill woman just being symptomatic and nasty.I wanted to mitigate that racial tension, as I look very "multi cultural", but my guy didn't want me to come.

    My guy's son has to leave that neighborhood now, as the Arab and indian people there hate him for what his mother did, one of them threw garbage over his front yard, other's stand around glaring and hostile, anyway there's more, but thats enough.

    SO, I didn't get to go and support him and I felt left out and so, so tired of drama and heartache, at the same time.

Comments

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  1. joia ingram
    I'm sending you a hug and I'll make sure to pray for you. Please do not feel alone....
      Nauti likes this.
    1. Nauti
      Thank you! @joia ingram, for your kind thoughts and prayers. :) My stepson is moving on Sunday. He's found a new place. I got to give him some support. My life's been better, too. My children are coming to.me for support and it's good. I think you're prayers must've helped. My health is getting better too.