For the last two weeks, I've been kind of over thinking about some incidents that caused me some irritation or even anger. Minor things to others probably, but in me they create havoc.
I have a pattern which is that I get emotionally devastated when I witness conflicts, when I have to handle them personally, when I see people lying , when I see people manipulate others to obtain what they want...and yes I know this happens every day all over the world, but I just don't know how in my case I can make it feel better. Every time I witness these things I feel so disappointed that I completely loose trust in people... again...
I don't know how to let go of these things.
I am not perfect, I make many mistakes and I accept when other people makes them too, but some things are not mistakes, some things are intentional and this is what makes me so angry sometimes.
At least now I can see my pattern which is : feeling disappointed, loosing trust, feeling angry, desire to eliminate all contact with Humans, rejection of God, feeling miserable, reaching the end of the pit, start calming down after a few bars of chocolate and appropriate music, start all over again ( maybe there are more things in between but not so relevant now).
I wonder when will this end?
Why is it taking so long for me to learn how not to be hurt?
Or is it that being hurt is actually normal? It is part of being alive and having feelings and needs.
But I am not handling it well...not yet...
Somehow, acceptance from my side towards those who "fail " is still missing.
After all failing is Human.
Maybe I am not forgiving...certainly not forgetting...I don't forget anything.
My trust in people is seriously and basically inexistant.
People will not change, I will always meet people in life who will disappoint me or I will disappoint them, but there is something in relationships that I do not know how to do ( one of many) which is called repair.
Relationships can be repaired.
I just don't know how to do it.
For me when something "bad" happens it's finished. When I loose trust it's forever.
I want to change this, otherwise I will never have a relationship in my life and that is affecting my relationship with God because how can I have a good relationship with Him if I can not even handle a bunch of Humans?
When I reject His children I am rejecting Him and that is the most painful thing that can ever exist.
People have their weeknesses I have mine.
Theirs are not worse than mine.
Therefore my mistake is judging.
Who am I to judge others?
Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
- Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
- Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
- Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
- Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral