One week on a dating app and it looks like it has me wishing for the end of humanity.
A 500 character limit is confining - I keep rewriting it. Yet I see so many profiles that have no text at all, but always plenty of pictures.
This obsession with the self is unnerving - and yet, I too am lost in my own world, or behind a screen. Funny isn't it - how big the world and the universe is, and yet those screens have us transfixed.
So many photographs filtered - as if a photograph weren't detached from reality enough. Alcohol always at the ready - I know how that used to play out. Too much make up on - the neverending art project.
Why are so many people pouting? Some of your lips have you looking like you're going into anaphylactic shock. Summer is here - just how much leg is on show? Hundreds of Instagram selfies - that Western decadence. People posing in their underwear in public now? The Oxford dictionary definition of 'classy' right there.
Who am I to judge beauty? If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then a lot of people should've gone to SpecSavers.
Truth be told, I just want to meet new people, and yet I frequently feel like a jigsaw piece that's from another box. Talking feels like more than enough for me right now, and yet still feels like a struggle - with mind boggling variables that often leave me as a mute observer.
I've made a few simple changes this year - fire staffing closer to footpaths in the parks. This has got me talking to lots of new people. Seeing how it makes people happy, or shocked to see still gives me a buzz every time.
The other change has been to start looking at people in the eye more when I'm out and about. When I meet their gaze I smile, nod, or say hello. I used to go out of my way to avoid eye contact, but this simple change has made a big difference to how I feel - it's uplifting.
Sure, I still feel disconnected, but everyone needs a level of company and connection. So there's a little confidence growing there, which is a good thing. As all too often when my mood is low - I disconnect and think myself a hole.
My next step is buying my own place this year, and it also comes with one of my biggest fears - loneliness. It's a feeling that accompanies depression and anxiety. Feelings so intense that they physically hurt me. Yet I know only too well that I can empower or defuse these feelings. My future is up to me - to be your own person, and make the effort, or you'll never progress. Much like my problems - my successes are self-made.
I never thought a dating app would be a format that would suit someone such as myself, and I must say it's exceeded my preconceptions. It's at times like this that my all or nothing mentality kicks in.
So can we just cancel humanity now please? We've had our fun - obviously at nature's expense. Can someone just hire an asteroid, and we'll let earth try the dinosaurs again.
Everybody loves to hate the sequel.
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