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Moshi Mushi?

Ate some fungi. Thought it'd put me in a better state for my new job tomorrow - you know; proven reduction in depression and all that jazz. Counterintuitive? It was quite intense at times, especially flying solo, but it's winding down now.

The message? Rest up - you are exhausted.

Sure, I'm running on about 4 hours sleep today, but just in general. A voice of concern but also of love - this dynamic isn't healthy Ed.

Look after yourself, eat better, let go of all the detritus you hang onto in your thoughts and emotions.

This can't go on like this indefinitely. You're really exhausted lad.

There is the elephant in the room though - the van. It's the focus of money and what I want to get completed, ideally this year. But I look to it and wonder "is this really me?"
Truth be told I won't know until I do it. Until I'm living it. It's just that after a lifetime of looking where I might fit in, I'm actually quite terrified to go live on my own, let alone in a van.

We'll get there though. Asides from the beautiful geometrics when I closed my eyes and listened to music for hours in a dark room - I felt the "source" I guess you could call it. What connects us all.

Ahh that sounds like some right generic, hippy clap trap. Still - it's what I felt. I closed my eyes, I cried a lot, I felt energised and relief and understanding with something bigger than myself.

A sense of belonging.


Feeling rather marvellous right about now. Sure, I still have plenty of baggage. But hey - maybe it's too heavy to board the flight and I'd have to leave it behind. What a shame.



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