This morning I woke up with quite intense neck ache. It's something that flares up now and then, and the past 2 days it hasn't been pleasant. I have a memory foam pillow that's supposed to help - turns out I had been using it the wrong way round all this time - ingenuius.
After breakfast, I decided to head into work early. During the short walk from my house to the car, I noticed a lingering effect from last night's smoke. The morning air felt crisper and the sight of the trees and the morning song of the birds felt very uplifting.
When I got to work, the feeling continued - I felt calmer, more receptive to introspection and positive thoughts. It also felt like moments which would normally rile me up, weren't having such an effect on me.
I went staffing on my lunch break, and as my heart rate increased from the exercise - I noticed the effects began to feel stronger. The wind, the sky, the sound of the birds, my staffing and my thoughts all felt a lot more enjoyable and soothing.
The walk back through the woods was profoundly beautiful.
I remembered I had therapy today - the week is sailing by. I have plenty to talk about, and wrote down 6 points to discuss on a small piece of paper.
I just got off the phone with a London psychiatrist regarding an Autism and ADHD assessment. The total cost is just shy of £1200, which is 50% cheaper than the previous two private practices that I have contacted. When my annual cheque is received, and clears - I'm going to book them straight away.
My 2 friends from the Discord channel reminded me of how I used to be around weed. One of them quit for 5 months, but the past 2 weekends they smoked. He told me this morning that after I picked up yesterday, he did the same. The other on our channel has been smoking heavily, every day for quite a while now. The first thing both said when they saw I was on voice chat was talk about weed. Whilst I can understand their enthusiasm, it was a little offputting.
Last time I smoked I was drinking, and the 2 combined is a powerful and innebriating feeling. This time I'm free from alcohol, and genuinely glad of this. Having noticed the duration of the effect of yesterday's smoke - I've realised how important moderation is. I have never felt the effects last so long, and this only serves to highlight how I'd previously lived in excess.
As per yesterday's post, I refuse to go back to smoking every weekend. Even though it was a huge reduction in how much I smoked - I still found myself smoking 5-15 single skin joints a weekend, and I also included Friday evenings a weekend too.
Personally, I don't want a rota with my consumption, as this proves how much of a hold it can have on me. All I know is that I refuse to smoke more than two a week. Even that might be too much. I shall have to test the water after I fully sober up.
The effects continue as I approach 20 hours since I smoked. They're subtle, and yet I find perhaps I'm more sensitive and introspective enough to notice them now.
I have a feeling the two guys on Discord will discuss weed more now they know I've picked up, and yet - I have no real interest in stoner pride. Truth be told I think most people who brag about it are addicts and feel less guilt when they see other's partaking.
Might sound cheesy, but I liken yesterday's smoke to an almost shamanic experience. It opened my mind and body up - and I was quickly reminded how powerful the mind can be, in relation to positive and negative feelings.
I'm holding onto the positive though - whilst clearly realising the potential negatives, and pitfalls of my decision should I attempt to justify any degree of excess.
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