Hey all! Been a little bit since i wrote a post but wanted to vent once again and get some feedback! (This mostly applies to online relationships)
So i've always had trouble keeping people around, And i mean in a sense of i'm the one that one day gets upset over something and deletes the person or backs away, An example of this would be when i got into a relationship recently and it didn't work out, I tried reaching out to a few friends but were met with a less sympathetic response and because i was already upset, I ended up just deleting them because i felt like a burden/or that they didn't care, But i regretted it later on and lost them as they were hurt by my response.
Stuff like this has been a looping thing my entire life online, One day something upsets me and i just end up deleting the person, I'm starting to feel it's become this weird false defence mechanism when things don't go the way i want them to, and it's ruined a lot of things in my life, I'm unsure if this is a 'me' issue or if this is something deeper, because it's a very confusing thing overall, Sometimes there are days i just straight up suffocate from socialising and delete the person in a panic and so on, and this is usually worse if i feel sad on that day or if something bad has happened to me recently, I tend to be overly emotional and i end up backing away from people.
The weird part is over the years i've come to LOVE socialising, I spent half my life alone thinking that i would be okay with it, And i'm not. I know there a lot of people with autism like their space and are okay with never having people, but i'm in a middle boat, I suffocate easy however i LOVE socialising and making friends online, I like to feel loved and connected to people, But i also suffocate easily when it happens, it's SO SO conflicting.
Again this is all strictly ONLINE only, I cannot socialise at all in person due to a severe social phobia issue, however online i'm not too bad, I just don't want to keep losing people anymore, Does anyone else experience these things here?
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