I've done a lot of terrible things in my life. I always found a way to rationalize it. "There's no such thing as a good person, only people who have never had to be otherwise." True? Maybe, but as I start to actually verbalize what a terrible person I used to be I come to realize there's no way to make any of it sound like it was okay. Now that I say it out loud, I'm not nearly as proud of it as I used to be.
Is this what remorse is? Is this what remorse feels like? Feeling negatively upon reflection of all the ****** things I've ever done? I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Is that the point? As a deterrent against future behaviors of the like? Oh my God, I don't even know, what have I done?
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. That doesn't make it any better. Nothing I can do will ever make it any better. So is this is it? Do I have to live with all the ****** things I have ever done? I guess that's about right.
Oh my God, what do I do? What do I say, and to who? Will it matter? What do I do? Do I do a bunch of charity work and try to balance out the karmic circle to try to assuage my conscience? Do I just harden my heart and not care? I've done that for a long time. I guess I get my comeuppance eventually.
I had to do what I had to do. But was there another way? There must've been. I had nothing. I had nobody. Everyone wanted a piece of me. I had to be tough. I had to be hard. The world would've eaten me alive otherwise. But was there another way? Would I still be the same person? Would it be better if I wasn't? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. Do I ask "Jesus" to forgive me? Even if he does, does that matter? It won't make the people I've hurt forgive me. It doesn't make it better for them. I can't make amends at this point. It's too late. What do I do?
What do I do? What do I do. I'm so sorry.
Is this what remorse is? Is this what remorse feels like? Feeling negatively upon reflection of all the ****** things I've ever done? I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Is that the point? As a deterrent against future behaviors of the like? Oh my God, I don't even know, what have I done?
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. That doesn't make it any better. Nothing I can do will ever make it any better. So is this is it? Do I have to live with all the ****** things I have ever done? I guess that's about right.
Oh my God, what do I do? What do I say, and to who? Will it matter? What do I do? Do I do a bunch of charity work and try to balance out the karmic circle to try to assuage my conscience? Do I just harden my heart and not care? I've done that for a long time. I guess I get my comeuppance eventually.
I had to do what I had to do. But was there another way? There must've been. I had nothing. I had nobody. Everyone wanted a piece of me. I had to be tough. I had to be hard. The world would've eaten me alive otherwise. But was there another way? Would I still be the same person? Would it be better if I wasn't? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. Do I ask "Jesus" to forgive me? Even if he does, does that matter? It won't make the people I've hurt forgive me. It doesn't make it better for them. I can't make amends at this point. It's too late. What do I do?
What do I do? What do I do. I'm so sorry.
