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I need to love again

Today, May 10th, is Mother’s Day in México, there’s no school, and it’s a national holiday for many, except for restaurants.

The ex didn’t take the kids to buy me a present and I resent him for that. He didn’t do it for my birthday either… after 18 years of me always doing something for him to celebrate his birthdays. The worst part is that it’s not the first time, he always came with a perfect excuse that I always believed, when he didn’t buy a gift or celebrated my birthday or any other important date.

It’s hard to let go of resentment. We are talking about my life here, from the age of 25 to 43. Me, always the positive one, always looking at the tiny bright star in the middle of a dark night, always thinking that we were going to get through whatever life threw at us, me always thinking there was going to be a sunrise, a new beginning that would actually last. Me, always the hopeful one.

Recently, I told someone that on May 8th 2018, it had been a whole year since my ex told me the words “I loath you”. The person that was supposed to love me the most in the planet, the person that I thought was my team, my ship, my confidant; the person that was my partner in six countries, the father of my kids… the person that I used to love so much…

was the same person that hated me the most in this planet.

Has anyone said to you “I loath you? Who says that? An enemy.

Well, the point is that this person I was talking to, told something like: “that was the perfect moment to say bye to that guy”. That is so beautifully simple, but what happened was that later on, that same day, he also said “I love you, let’s not throw everything that we have away”.

It took me four long, depressive and horrible months to understand what was happening and decide to ask him for a final and definitive separation. Then, two more terrible months to kick him out of the house.

I am hopeful. I am an optimist. That is my best and worst feature. I can’t stop being who I am.

I will continue hoping for a good, happy life for me and the kids. I also hope that love can make it’s way to reach me.

I need to love again.

Comments

Hang in there it will. My ex told me he hoped I would get run over by a truck because I would not foot the bill to send him his law books at my expense when he was finally working. So I can relate.
 

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Sabrina
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