Lately. I have been working on figuring myself out. It's a two fold mission.
First. I need to discover and clarify why I have stuck myself mentally, like I have. Which I have been doing. Picking apart my own actions and behaviors in my darker periods. As well as picking apart what I've done, or need to do to stay positive and keep motoring.
Secondly. Figure out who I am, as in my place in this world. What I am meant to do? What is my God given task? This is my current end goal, for the time being.
Especially now that I am start to sift through mess and clean up alot of delusional junk cluttering my brain. I am feeling less confused about alot of things. My gender, especially. For one, which I think was a byproduct of my Autism and my lack of direction as a person. But I am at least sure footed with it now.
Emotions are still a messy affair. I feel like I still have some kinda moderate Alexithyma. It's tough really.
Though the battle I am needing to win the most, is against my own conditioning via psychosis. This is tough as hell to fight. Especially considering my issues with change, like anyone with ASD. But it has to be done for the good of my health. Not just mental health. But overall health in general.
First. I need to discover and clarify why I have stuck myself mentally, like I have. Which I have been doing. Picking apart my own actions and behaviors in my darker periods. As well as picking apart what I've done, or need to do to stay positive and keep motoring.
Secondly. Figure out who I am, as in my place in this world. What I am meant to do? What is my God given task? This is my current end goal, for the time being.
Especially now that I am start to sift through mess and clean up alot of delusional junk cluttering my brain. I am feeling less confused about alot of things. My gender, especially. For one, which I think was a byproduct of my Autism and my lack of direction as a person. But I am at least sure footed with it now.
Emotions are still a messy affair. I feel like I still have some kinda moderate Alexithyma. It's tough really.
Though the battle I am needing to win the most, is against my own conditioning via psychosis. This is tough as hell to fight. Especially considering my issues with change, like anyone with ASD. But it has to be done for the good of my health. Not just mental health. But overall health in general.
