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How to Make a Place of Belonging for an Aspie, If He's Not Interested?

That's hard! Without the aspie's cooperation, or if he's not interested in anything that the society there has, what to do?? When I asked him, he said to me, "Make one." Who's the one who need to MAKE that place of belonging for him? Is it me? How is that possible without his cooperation?

The restricted interest of an aspie is so restricted, that even similar or neighbouring field of interest doesn't count. Also, it depends on where you live/work. In his country, the research fields are deep and vast; but in my country here, it's very limited - nobody is doing his particular sub-field :(

Aaaahhhhh.. whatever I'm suggesting, always being declined, because he's not interested in it. He said he wanted somebody to discuss with, a team. But there are two main problems here: Nobody can discuss with his high-level here, and he doesn't want to invite/educate any - he's not interested. Usually, he's interested in already established people and workplace, which is kind of impossible here..

He said he doesn't feel belonged here.. I'm trying to help.. but why is it so hard to invite him to anything?? Why must I put this much extra effort, worrying, searching places and people, without any result.. It's hard for me too, since I'm not that outgoing or have many connections or power. Even if I or anybody else initiate something to engage with him, usually it fails because it's out of his interest range. How can we suppose to help him feel belonged like this?

He's trying his best. He said it's ok like this now. Yeah, he's trying his best to adapt here. Maybe I am too impatient. Whenever he said to me about his sad/lonely/negative feelings, I can't help but worry. I just wish he could live happily here. Feel belonged. If only I'm outgoing, easygoing, easy to make connections, will it be easier? Maybe.

And I wish to see him with more progress. How come it's ok to not try to find work, and let only me work? But I think I need to be grateful, because at least, now he is willing to live here. It's better than before, where he always wanted to go back to his country and seemed unhappy here. He's adapting here better than before. Thank God.

Usually when people travel to a new country, they'll be interested to explore and meet people there. But there are also cases where trailing spouses cannot adapt and feel depressed. Maybe he's the latter. Maybe because those trailing spouses actually didn't want to move there.

Lot's of issues. Maybe I don't need to worry too much. It'll be okay.. May God help us all.

Comments

This is rough indeed. I too am often fearful of attempting to find a place of acceptance when so many don't understand. New places can give a feeling of fresh start BUT they can be daunting at the same time, which is a place of no help too.

The very first thing I would do is ask ... "DO you want to take a walk?"
 
This is rough indeed. I too am often fearful of attempting to find a place of acceptance when so many don't understand. New places can give a feeling of fresh start BUT they can be daunting at the same time, which is a place of no help too.

The very first thing I would do is ask ... "DO you want to take a walk?"
Thanks so much for your reply, and i like the suggestion. probably he will ask me, to where? then i will struggle because i dont really want to go out, he doesnt really want to go out with me or drive. no place to walk to nearby. wished i rented a place where he can walk and talk easily..
 

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BlueSky Aozora
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