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He cancelled again

By Raggamuffin · May 3, 2021 ·
  1. Wednesday - cancelled
    Thursday - 2 hours work
    Friday - cancelled
    Sunday - cancelled
    Monday - cancelled

    To say this plasterer has been unreliable is an understatement. He rang this morning to say he forgot it was bank holiday and all the building merchants are closed and he can't get materials (I don't believe him). He said he'll be over at midday to prep the adhesive on the bathroom ceiling (I didn't believe him). Having heard nothing I text him at 1pm. Now he says it'll be 6pm. Since when was 6pm midday? I honestly can't wait until I never have to talk with this person again.

    The recent stress hasn't been good - I've been eating take away for dinner 4 nights in a row and eating sweeter foods again. On Saturday I came unnervingly close to relapsing with booze and weed. I even dug out a phone number for an old dealer of mine.

    Thankfully I decided to get in contact with friends online and talked stuff through with them. I also got a new book which is specifically dealing with autism and addictions. I read a lot of it yesterday and I'm nearly 20% of the way through. Normally I don't read for longer than 30-45 minutes, but yesterday I was at it for a good few hours.

    Me and Kristy have got most of the packing done. We'll get more bits and pieces done over the week and then on Saturday it'll be one final trip to the storage container, one more trip to the recycling centre and charity shop. Then we just have to paint the 3 ceilings and we're done.

    Things have been moving slower than I'd hoped. If the plasterer had been finished on Friday as expected, I think more could've been sorted. Instead we're here - waiting and frustrated.

    I'm wondering if I'm getting hayfever as the past few days my eyes have been constantly watering and my nose is runny. It gets better in the evenings. I've never had hayfever before though, so it's a little confusing and frustrating.

    I noticed Facebook on my phone has a dating app. Not that I want to date - but I thought it could potentially help me talk to and meet new people. I specifically stated chatting and friendship only. Truth be told, much like when I've used such apps before, I scroll through profiles of copy and paste people. Photos of women with wine glasses, photos of women in dresses and on nights out. Frequent use of words such as - outgoing, bubbly, confident, love socialising, need a real man etc etc.

    The profile limits you to 500 words which is annoying as I tend to write a lot. So I just put the following:


    Started with a link to my art page on FB (free advertising right?)

    1.5 years sober - it hasn't been easy.
    (I put this as most people have photos of them drinking and yet most put the status for drinking as occasional - yeah right).

    Highly sensitive, creative and forever lost in thought
    (best to be honest, why portray your good side. You won't find a "real man" here - more like a depressive coward).

    Animals make me happy. People often confuse & frustrate me. I'm on the spectrum - it makes socialising awkward. I often feel isolated, lonely and misunderstood.

    I'm a thinker and observer - usually quiet and very shy.

    I've had depression and anxiety almost 20 years - it's exhausting.

    I put myself through an abnormal amount of discomfort in a bid to appear normal.


    Honesty is the best policy eh? Truth be told, you rarely see much text on people's profiles. Things people do write is often cliche and I've seen it on so many profiles before. Same goes for the style of selfies, the filters and the other nonsense people do.

    Tedious - that's how I think I'd describe the average person I meet.

    I saw the profile on this dating app of the HR manager - the one who has been pretty useless every time I've tried to get help from her. She had a highly filtered photo that looked nothing like what her actual face looks like and what I read on her profile doesn't match how she behaves at work and what she talks about.

    I don't know - dating just seems deceitful to me. People portraying their good sides and taking people out to cliche places. I've never been a fan of it at all. If I liked someone I'd just spend months talking with them, to make sure it was real and then we'd just hang out - rather than making the typical moves of dinner, movie or some other stuff that I frankly wouldn't enjoy.

    Still, right now I need friends - because these lonely feelings are overbearing and utterly disheartening.

    Ed

    About Author

    Raggamuffin
    Ed, 34, UK

    I'm an underachiever with numerous talents. Exhausted by people and being stuck in the rat race. Unable to shake depression for nearly 2 decades.

    Approaching a year and a half sober. I've undertaken numerous lifestyle changes in recent years. I'd hoped they'd provide some solace from mental health issues. In reality, I know work is my main stressor. 16 years spent in jobs I've never considered careers, or worthy of my time.

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