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I am really beginning to wonder why I eat.

And no. I am not unaware that I, or anyone, eats to survive and stay strong. It's not about that.

It has to do with this psychological mindset I have been at battle with to overcome. I eat like I haven't eaten in weeks, months, or years. Not that I haven't eaten. But my behavior is such. I am messy and my focus is solely on the food and nothing else.

In someway it's like I am copping with food to avoid needing to interact with anyone. My upbringing had alot to do with it. Though with how I saw things, more than anything my parents did to spur it on. Like I associate food private time. "Leave me alone. I'm eating." The problem is that I never really got called out for my bad eating habits and manners. So I've alway ate that way in some way. Even in public where everyone can see how I eat.

I really haven't had much of anything to eat today out of disgust for my, what seems to be, insistent want to eat like a piggy child who doesn't know any better. Ironic, since I had my speel about it prolonged lack of eating being unhealthy in topic about forgetting to eat because of being on task.

I almost feel like I shouldn't eat, because it always seems to trigger that rude, immature, behavior. I am... unsure how to handle this.


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