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Feels Like Botanical Genocide

By Raggamuffin · May 9, 2021 ·
  1. The weekend began with a downpour which put a literal damper on clearing the garden on Saturday morning. I woke up at 7am feeling like I hadn't slept enough. I began sorting out what needed to go to the recycling centre and tried waking Kristy up, but she wasn't downstairs for 20 minutes or so.

    I got to the recycling centre 10 minutes early and was the first car waiting outside. I managed to get 3 trips done in a short space of time. Normally the tip is very busy on a weekend, but due to the weather it was virtually empty. We decided to take the sofa and armchair to the tip as they were covered in artex dust from the plasterers (who had promised to cover everything). Thankfully be bought a build your own sofa as the front door and entrance into the living room is tiny, and a large sofa can't fit. The armchair however won't fit in my car, so Kristy is going to get a friend to help do that next week.

    We also got the food shop sorted out inbetween the trips down to the tip. It was when we got home that we decided it'd be best to get rid of the 2 chairs, as Kristy didn't want to keep them, and I didn't either. On my second trip down the tip I saw a guy struggling to lift 2 matresses strapped together. He was trying to get them up the stairs next to the giant metal containers that rubbish went into. I went with my gut and called out to him, asking if he needed help. He didn't have many teeth - I always find that an intriguing sight. Not exactly abhorrent, but somewhat fascinating.

    When I was driving home I decided to stop off at a coffee shop in town. Seems the plan to not drink coffee has de-railed. After that first one I got on Wednesday, I had a de-caff one on Thursday, a caffeinated one on Friday and another on Saturday. I also have had a few "treats" as in the cakes Kristy keeps buying each week. All in all, this week has been rather problematic in terms of diet and spending. I'm just thankful that the kitchen is now accessible and we can use the oven etc.

    I'd planned for us to do a trip down to the storage container and charity shop, but Kristy was very tired and asked if we could go next weekend instead. I didn't mind tbh. It's nearing the end of her time off work, and I don't begrudge her not wanting to be busy at the end of the holiday. That and the weather is why I went down to the tip myself on those trips.

    It was still an absolute downpour when I drove into town and parked up. I don't mind heavy rain though - in fact I find it quite liberating to be out in it. Here's me dressed in an already drenched t-shirt and jeans - walking through town with a big grin on my face, whilst passers by met my gaze and often looked confused whilst they were carrying umbrellas and wrapped up in thick waterproof coats and such like.

    When I got home I enjoyed my tall cappucino and settled into my game (Phantasy Star Universe) which had just had a large update on the private server that me and my Discord friends play. Me and an Irishman called Marc had agreed to get an early night so that we could start playing the game and make good progress early on. As usual, we were on voice chat together. Out of the group on the Discord channel I set up, Marc is one of my favourites, as he's down to earth and we have a similar wit and sense of humour. I did really well this weekend and found a lot of the new loot, and some very rare items to boot. Me and Marc spent 4+ hours hunting one item. I found 2 of them, so I gifted him the second.

    As the morning went by, more people joined the Discord voice chat and soon enough I became the spectator. I did try and participate in the chat, but when you have 5-6 people on the chat at the same time, it can be tricky. Finding moments when people aren't talking to say something. But I was finding I was making comments and getting no replies. After a while of that, I was feeling a little downtrodden.

    I didn't play as much of the game today. 2 days of heavy gaming was giving me headaches and fatigue. It also felt like the weekend flew by when I was doing pretty much one thing exclusively throughout.

    The plaster is dry in every room except the bathroom. That room has a tiled floor and walls which makes the room very cold. It's also at the back of the house which is a small extension. The utility room is part of this extension, and for some reason it has a concrete roof with no insulation, which also adds to the issues with the cold. Anyway, I'm hoping everything will be ready to begin painting tomorrow or Tuesday evening after work.

    I cleared some of the patio in our back garden. I'm always reminded why I don't like gardening - it feels like botanical genocide. Destroying so many weeds, removing so many objects that disturbs the homes of insects, worms and snails. Personally, it just feels like a very destructive hobby. I know an overgrown garden is seen as unsightly - and yet, that's how nature intended, and it's probably why birds, frogs and insects thrive in our garden.

    I said to Kristy that my focus will be painting the ceilings, and if she can get help to do the garden next week. That's one of the few things I miss when I worked from home - being able to get things done around the house on my lunch break and at 5pm instead of 6pm after I finished work.

    I'm absolutely exhausted today. Had a nap for the first time in a month or more. As usual, it didn't help - just makes me feel worse. An early night is needed as I have a full week in the office and that too is exhausting.


    About Author

    Ed, 34, UK

    I'm an underachiever with numerous talents. Exhausted by people and being stuck in the rat race. Unable to shake depression for nearly 2 decades.

    Approaching a year and a half sober. I've undertaken numerous lifestyle changes in recent years. I'd hoped they'd provide some solace from mental health issues. In reality, I know work is my main stressor. 16 years spent in jobs I've never considered careers, or worthy of my time.


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