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Entering 2017 with so many things in my mind.

Well, it is here, december 31, 2017, while I'm writing this at 4:47pm, waiting for the year to be over, for the change to date, for going to sleep and wake up in another day which for some people is a day to start change, to forget the past.

While me, I'm still thinking in so many things I've lived, and so many errors which which I've learned from. This year I lost a friend, I lost someone who I loved, not because of death but because of oblivion, as I'm shy, as I don't comunicate enough with people I left a relatioship to carelessness.

I'm not sad about it, I've learned my lesson but I'm confused, I still love her, she still has a room in my heart but I understand why she left and I hope she's happy in her life.

As I remain silence in this chaotic society I see and wonder of the modern aproach on relationships, being social and express yourself. I've been told I'm a very sensitive guy, altough I can't expressed myself I feel a lot of love inside to share with someone, a lot of worries and a lot of confusion. I've realized for experience that in this modern society I don't fit, my feelings are
perceived by others like weakness, like something not attractive. I'm a human being, whatever that means, but I'm an asie and proud of it. I get angry too and if the day comes I will fight if it's needed, I don't show my anger often, I don't like to be that way, but my anxiety and sometimes sadness get out more often.

Through the years I've been wondering of the way people fight each other, how around the world people kills each other by stupid reasons and how our politicians beg for world peace. I don't think such peace could come if humans can't solve their simple personal problems. How can we disarm our society and respect our differences when we can love our brothers, sisters, family and friends?how can we leve in a world of true peace if when we disagree with someone we call it "idiot", ass**le and other disrespectfull adjectives?

We lived in a world built around computers, internet and fast communications; a world where social networks let us talk with someone on other country in matter of seconds, social networks which promise being more close and connected with others...but there's a catch, this "social" networks lie to us and let people lie each other, sure I can become your friend but if you make something I find stupid or I simply don't like you I can erase you, I can block you and I can laugh on you online, behind your back.

It is no surprise our world is becoming less and less isolated, indifferent and where love feelings are devalueated and losing their value. Sure it is'n internet's fault, there are some good reasons for blocking someone but this networks show the nature of human beings, how our relationship with each other has changed and how the "F*ck you, F*ck it" culture is on the rise.

We are bombed everyday from messages, from if they don't like you "f¨¨ck them", you disagree with someone? F them, and that snow ball falling from the mountain is getting bigger and bigger with every internet meme, with every article written asuring you these is the way we need to live for a better life.

As I'm becoming older and with my asperger conditions I believe in being honest, in being faithfull, in not to fight but talk, in not erase people from my life but work in our problems, in build stronger relationships even when I find hard to talk to people, to understand them.

If we, as isolate people can't solve personal problems how can we expect to live in a world of peace?or give a better world for future generations?Homicides, wars and violence are complex and big problems I know, but their root is the lack of love, of people not caring about each other and not knowing how to solve their personal problems first.

Today, as the year ends, as my heart hurts because of those who I've lost, I needed to express it, to try to make sense of the world I live, the world we all live.


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