So.....my poor executive functioning and being overwhelmed with the new job have caught up with me. I had some unexpected things come up - medical appointments and car problems - and trying to juggle the new things into my schedule, I wound up late to work. I am new...so nobody had my number yet, and I didn't have their numbers. I did know I needed their numbers and they would need mine, but i was never actually asked or given a place to submit my number, and I was never given the list of cell phone numbers. So I was not able to contact people about being late....and calls were made to other people in the office who couldn't help, and I think basically I look bad for not giving my number since my supervisor was made to look dopey for not having my number. Anyway, it made me look dumb and unprofessional - and it reminded me that....well, I don't even deserve a job. I lack the common sense to not make dumb mistakes, lack good priorities as far as what to do first (lots of things landing on my desk as I start, so I didn't think about phone numbers as something to get to right away - instead just still trying to get my bearings with all the info I am supposed to learn - but not learning it, still just getting my bearings and trying to decide what to learn when).
However.....so I was super frustrated/flustered this morning, as well as chagrined and embarrassed. But....I am also realizing there is no way in heck that I can try to manage this job while allowing myself to experience such emotions, either - it just makes the rest of the day go badly, causes further gaffes/mistakes, and then it snowballs as I keep feeling bad about more and more things.
So...though I don't want to repress anything (and build up and blow up later), I also think there is much less room/allowance for these kinds of frustrations if I want to be successful. I am hoping this will motivate me to really get more organized, will push me towards the right priorities (even if it is just through trial and error), and learn to not sweat things as much, because it make the whole problem worse - and then maybe I will develop into a more efficient and confident person in the process.
This kind of happened in college (maybe in a bad way) - I had no friends, I was extremely crushed - but I learned to get on with life. I also remember one point when I was really homesick....and then I got over it. Never got homesick again in my life.
So....keeping my fingers crossed and hoping I will learn to ride the waves at work, stay successful and with my head above water and not bullied and singled out as the office fool, and learn to manage and prioritize my life and work responsibilities better without emotionally breaking down.
I think that learning about ASD has helped tremendously and having this community here to relate to is HUGE in helping me give this whole thing a shot.
However.....so I was super frustrated/flustered this morning, as well as chagrined and embarrassed. But....I am also realizing there is no way in heck that I can try to manage this job while allowing myself to experience such emotions, either - it just makes the rest of the day go badly, causes further gaffes/mistakes, and then it snowballs as I keep feeling bad about more and more things.
So...though I don't want to repress anything (and build up and blow up later), I also think there is much less room/allowance for these kinds of frustrations if I want to be successful. I am hoping this will motivate me to really get more organized, will push me towards the right priorities (even if it is just through trial and error), and learn to not sweat things as much, because it make the whole problem worse - and then maybe I will develop into a more efficient and confident person in the process.
This kind of happened in college (maybe in a bad way) - I had no friends, I was extremely crushed - but I learned to get on with life. I also remember one point when I was really homesick....and then I got over it. Never got homesick again in my life.
So....keeping my fingers crossed and hoping I will learn to ride the waves at work, stay successful and with my head above water and not bullied and singled out as the office fool, and learn to manage and prioritize my life and work responsibilities better without emotionally breaking down.
I think that learning about ASD has helped tremendously and having this community here to relate to is HUGE in helping me give this whole thing a shot.
