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Das Blog

By Raggamuffin · Jun 16, 2021 ·
  1. Monday - a stressful day at work - but me and Kristy had Dominoes for dinner. The smoke I had that evening felt like the sensation disipated rapidly. Saw a dead fledgling seagull in the place where I'm staffing at the moment. It's location confused me more than anything, as it was far from any of the roofs where they're nesting. I can only assume one of the local red kites from the nearby woods managed to swoop down and get it, but possibly lost it's grip. Whenever they circle overhead, the sea gulls race to ascend up to these birds of prey and then attempt to drive them off - it's quite a site to witness.


    Tuesday - I had bad stomach aches throughout the day. It was another stressful day at work. But, when I got home I had a smoke which calmed me right down. I went staffing later that evening. Saw a local cat - when I crouched down and called it over, it literally ran to me. Such a cute ginger and white cat. Small and very affectionate. I ended up making such a fuss of it, that it started drooling, and by the end of it, the cat had a little saliva beard going on. What a cutie.

    A friend of mine left their phone at home. We normally send some back and forth texts during the work day. I noticed several people on the Discord group were concerned he wasn't replying either. But there was relief when he replied in the evening. The assumption he'd left his phone at home occurred fairly quick - but it was also alongside catastrophic thoughts that he'd died.

    Had a great chat with Bill, the local old boy who I assumed initially was a tramp. We talked about motorbikes and migraines. He told me of a friend who went from a 125cc to buying a brand new 750cc sport bike. He went with him on a 4 hour round trip to get the bike from the show room. Once they hit the motorway, his friend yanked the throttle and shot off into the distance. Bill eventually got to a rail way crossing and noticed a car parked in the road with a man stood next to it, looking confused. Bill approached - he said he'd seen a biker fly past, well over 100mph and veered off to the right. Bill said - "but there isn't a right turn."

    He went off to explore the left hand bend after the crossing and saw his friend, stuck, spread eagle in a bush. His friend had apparently not wanted to tackle a sharp left at 110 mph and decided to veer off into the grass and collided with a bush, but his bike had continued on it's journey.

    They left before the police turned up and Bill returned later that day. His friend didn't dare look at what happened to his bike and refused to join him. Bill found a hole in a fence and a straight line through a corn field. As he explored, a farmer pulled up, asking what he was about. Bill told him and the farmer led him to the bike.

    Not only had the bike thrown his friend into a bush, ploughed through a fence, a corn field and even a small pond - but it had buried itself in an old oak tree. He said the damage was so bad that the front forks were now touching the rear wheel. The way he told the story had me in absolute hysterics.

    Bill is a great guy, I'm glad I got chatting to him. I find I'm always drawn to people who look and appear a little different - what a character he is.

    We got the solicitor documents. I got them signed that evening. Kristy is signing hers on Wednesday and getting them posted from work. Should be the last thing we need to do.

    Wednesday - the last hot day before the storms roll in this evening. A little worried for the fledglings in this heat. But I keep reminding myself it's none of my concern. Even seeing that dead fledgling didn't move me as much as I'd imagined. In fact, it almost felt like a privilege to be able to see a young sea gull up close, and in so much detail. Sure, the site was rather depressing - but not as overwhelming as I'd assumed it would be. If anything, it was intriguing. I can only hope the other fledglings continue to grow and eventually take flight and thrive. There can be no doubt that infancy is the most dangerous time for any animal.

    Therapy tonight - let's see what this session brings. I will tell her this will be my second to last session, for now at least. I want to focus all my spare money on savings to put towards buying my flat at the end of the year.

    With it being so hot, I'm avoiding looking at the gulls today. Avoidance behaviour I know. I'll be happier to look out there tomorrow when the hot weather has broken. Can't wait for the next few days of rain and cooler weather - I love staffing in the rain. It's so refreshing.

    I'd been considering starting early the next few days, but to staff instead of doing more overtime. The thought of getting in early to staff felt like a treat. Then I realised, thinking like this just shows how I'm pushing myself too hard. I think the past few weeks since I returned from 2 weeks signed off for stress have been rather nonstop. Sure, I'm more caught up now than I have been in a long time - but it's taking it's toll. These are supposed to be 8.5 hour days - sure this probably doesn't seem like much for some people. The job is very admin heavy, the processing and repetition is extreme and the amount I have to get through is excessive. When I do an extra 6-8 hours every week, I think it's understandable that I'm starting to feel dishevelled.

    Of course, being caught up is a nice feeling - but I can't risk floundering again. Whilst an evening smoke helps me unwind, I'm noticing a slow unravelling of how I'm feeling at work. So, the next 2 days I will staff, and enjoy the park and cooler weather before work. I used to go to the park before work - sit and watch the gulls, geese and ducks at the lake for a 30-45 mins. It was very calming, almost meditative. It helped me greatly, and I miss that experience.


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