This is what I want. I want to be friends first before I start making out sexually with someone. I want to get to know them first. I want to be with someone and feel safe. I want to take the time to let love and desire grow. And I don't want to have sex until I am ready. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently it is. It seems I am caught between two contradictory messages. One message says don't have sex until you are married. Well, there are several problems with that. First of all, I am no longer sure I want to make that big of a legal commitment to someone. Secondly, it's no longer workable. There's been too big a culture shift and I don't think the folks that promote abstinence realize it. I think they are too caught up in their own ideology and have been out of the dating game too long. Let me tell you from personal experience, there is little or no support for those who have followed the party line and found themselves on the shelf as a result. The wait-for-marriage crowd has nothing to say to never-married folks like me; what might have been sensible advice at 16 isn't so sensible at 26, 36, 46, 56--you get the picture.
Supposing someone tried to tell you that God does not approve of people owning animals. That it is wrong to even touch one or to have any kind of physical contact with someone who has touched an animal. Then they tried to tell you that it doesn't matter that the majority of people don't feel this way, you can still go out and socialize. Wouldn't you say, that's crazy? Of course that is going to affect how you socialize big time. You're going to find that your pool of potential friends are very small. But when you point this out to the person who is trying to convince you of this, you are told that God's way is not easy for a reason and if you want to be on His good side then you know what you have to sacrifice. Yeah. That's pretty much how it is.
Now for the other side of the coin. During my very first date the boy I was with forcibly tried to put his tongue in my mouth, thrust my hand down his pants and said, "I have a hard-on, do you want to see it?" Oh, such sweet romantic memories! This was not someone I'd been going out with for some time, this was not even someone that I was good friends with, it was someone who sat next to me in high school. I was 18 and had never been out on a date. I didn't know what was supposed to happen but I certainly was not prepared for this! And thus was set the pattern for my dating years. I would be approached by a guy, we'd go out together and the minute we were alone, the sexual pressuring began.
And this is what I was told by both guys and girls: that I was hung up, that I was repressed, that I was a prude. That I have unrealistic notions and expectations. That sex was fun and I ought to get with the program. I was the one with the problem, you see.
Now supposing you have been taught, as I mentioned above, that it is wrong to be around animals. Seriously, going-to-hell-wrong. And someone comes up to you with a great big Rottweiler and shoves it at you? And when you protest, you are told, get over your hangup. Lots of people like being around dogs, it's normal to be around dogs. But what about your choice whether to be around dogs. Well, honey, that's too bad, if you want to be out in society you'd better get with it and start accepting dogs. In fact it's mandatory that you be around them. Here they come, dragged by the collars and thrown at you, big ones, little ones, barking, slobbering. Oh, yes, that approach is guaranteed to make anyone a dog-lover all right!
Somewhere in between these two extremes there has got to be a happy medium. But I haven't found it. And I am wondering, am I asking too much of life? That if option number one is unworkable I can only go with option number two and try not to flinch when that Great Dane puts his paws on my chest and slobbers all over my face? After all, this is supposed to be fun, right? This is supposed to be what it is all about, right?
Apparently it is. It seems I am caught between two contradictory messages. One message says don't have sex until you are married. Well, there are several problems with that. First of all, I am no longer sure I want to make that big of a legal commitment to someone. Secondly, it's no longer workable. There's been too big a culture shift and I don't think the folks that promote abstinence realize it. I think they are too caught up in their own ideology and have been out of the dating game too long. Let me tell you from personal experience, there is little or no support for those who have followed the party line and found themselves on the shelf as a result. The wait-for-marriage crowd has nothing to say to never-married folks like me; what might have been sensible advice at 16 isn't so sensible at 26, 36, 46, 56--you get the picture.
Supposing someone tried to tell you that God does not approve of people owning animals. That it is wrong to even touch one or to have any kind of physical contact with someone who has touched an animal. Then they tried to tell you that it doesn't matter that the majority of people don't feel this way, you can still go out and socialize. Wouldn't you say, that's crazy? Of course that is going to affect how you socialize big time. You're going to find that your pool of potential friends are very small. But when you point this out to the person who is trying to convince you of this, you are told that God's way is not easy for a reason and if you want to be on His good side then you know what you have to sacrifice. Yeah. That's pretty much how it is.
Now for the other side of the coin. During my very first date the boy I was with forcibly tried to put his tongue in my mouth, thrust my hand down his pants and said, "I have a hard-on, do you want to see it?" Oh, such sweet romantic memories! This was not someone I'd been going out with for some time, this was not even someone that I was good friends with, it was someone who sat next to me in high school. I was 18 and had never been out on a date. I didn't know what was supposed to happen but I certainly was not prepared for this! And thus was set the pattern for my dating years. I would be approached by a guy, we'd go out together and the minute we were alone, the sexual pressuring began.
And this is what I was told by both guys and girls: that I was hung up, that I was repressed, that I was a prude. That I have unrealistic notions and expectations. That sex was fun and I ought to get with the program. I was the one with the problem, you see.
Now supposing you have been taught, as I mentioned above, that it is wrong to be around animals. Seriously, going-to-hell-wrong. And someone comes up to you with a great big Rottweiler and shoves it at you? And when you protest, you are told, get over your hangup. Lots of people like being around dogs, it's normal to be around dogs. But what about your choice whether to be around dogs. Well, honey, that's too bad, if you want to be out in society you'd better get with it and start accepting dogs. In fact it's mandatory that you be around them. Here they come, dragged by the collars and thrown at you, big ones, little ones, barking, slobbering. Oh, yes, that approach is guaranteed to make anyone a dog-lover all right!
Somewhere in between these two extremes there has got to be a happy medium. But I haven't found it. And I am wondering, am I asking too much of life? That if option number one is unworkable I can only go with option number two and try not to flinch when that Great Dane puts his paws on my chest and slobbers all over my face? After all, this is supposed to be fun, right? This is supposed to be what it is all about, right?
