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Aspergers & Autism

  1. Stopping meds due to side effects, living with effects of long term meds

    I have been off medications since February this year. I was prescribed Seroquel for a BPD dx and Topamax for seizures (I've been misdxed as BPD) I was on Seroquel for around 5 years and it was not helping anymore. I wanted to come off of it for a long time. I have been taking Topamax for over 15 years. I started looking into the side effect of Topamax when I found out the side effects of Seroquel. I was floored and so mad that no one told me about the side effects of either med. A lot of...
  2. Adopted father has cancer, I'm not sad but feel guilty

    [Already posted in Forums] I found out that my adopted father has lymphoma and I don't feel sad. I was abused and have stopped talking to most of the adopted family. I didn't feel happy finding out but I wasn't sad either. I don't know if this is because of autism or trauma. I do feel anxiety and guilt because I'm not sad and I'm worried I'll have a huge meltdown when he passes. I am going to see him next week, I haven't seen him in years. I'm afraid of the emotions hitting me when I need...
  3. A Confusing Development

    For some reason, it's only just occurred to me to look up social anxiety. After hearing about the comparisons, the minimization, all of that, I actually looked up what it was. The scary and comforting thing is, is that I relate to that a lot. Who knew there was an actual name for the fear I feel when presented with social situations? But on top of that, I'm afraid of what that says about me. I've been thinking that autism was the one thing that could explain why I felt different and pushed...
  4. Depression and acceptance

    Hello blog, it's been a while. Last time I posted an update I had just gone through a mini-psychotic break and I had just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Today I will be ranting a little, rather than posting clever and/or insightful and/or funny things. No grand things have happened to me in the meantime, but sometimes small things are important too. I'm slowly returning to work, with ample time off to work on my mental health. My boss is nice like that, for which I am grateful. I've...
  5. A Good Time, but at What Cost??

    Cool news, I saw a musical last night! I'd been following it for a bit, and I finally got to see it on Broadway!! I had a really great time, especially clapping and stimming in between songs! It was a bit loud though, and that contributed to the problem later. See, we got home around 3 AM, and I went immediately to sleep. But now, I'm very drained. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I planned on doing some school work later today, but I don't know if I'll be able to get rid of the numb-like...
  6. Just a Little Curious!

    I've decided that I'll ask the school's therapist about ASD and such. But I had a question. Has anyone else ever experienced a thing where if something feels wrong, like dirty or unright, they shudder and have to let go if it immediately? I've experienced this while in Piano class, touching the piano used by other students, and other small items. They don't usually have a particular pattern. I'm sure this isn't an OCD thing, or anything else, but I was wondering if any else knew what I was...
  7. Confused and Kind of Upset?

    I don't believe my current therapist is working out for me. I'm supposed to trust him, but I don't. I haven't trusted the previous one either. My only question is, how long will it take, and what will it take for me to trust them? Trust seems to be an issue with me, even with ordinary stuff like what music I listen to. There doesn't seem to be any other therapists close enough to drive biweekly to, and that doesn't even cover the cost of the actual session. But, back to trust though. Do...
  8. Agh...

    So, I went to the dentist today after a while. Being in the chair reminded me of an earlier time I went, when I was about 6 or 7, I believe. When the dentist was taking X-Rays, the bite-down bit hurt so much I cried, and wouldn't let them put it back in. It still hurts! And, come to find out, I have cavities? 3 of them, apparently. I'll try to floss more. And, my head hurts a lot. I don't know if it was because of the light, the pain, or something else, but I'm not feeling good at all....
  9. An Update!

    Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for your kind messages, they made me feel better! And about the school psychologists, I found something out the other day. While they're called psychologists and have the degrees to have that title, the role they play in school is a guidance counselor for kids with IEP's. I've decided to ask my therapist about it the next time I see him, granted he doesn't ask me anything that takes me off topic. I've also put more thought into whether or not I should ask...
  10. A Bit Confused

    So I went down to the Guidance Office in school to ask about the school's psychologists. As I thought, you generally need an IEP to really work with one, unless I had a specific person I wanted to talk to. This just made me think, why would I really want to see them? I think I want to because I'm running out of adults to trust, and depending on how it goes, I could bring up autism. I'd really like to because I feel bad that I'm questioning so much without "doing anything" about it. Ah,...
  11. My Idioglossia...

    From time-to-time, I coin or commandeer words in an attempt to better explain my experiences. This list is for those relevant to this forum. BIA: n. Brain-injured autism/autistic. ASD2 & 3, collectively [Held to be the cause of severe co-morbid conditions associated with ASD2/3]. geek: n. an intellectually gifted person [< G.K. < "gifted kid"]. handicap: n. a hindrance or disadvantage. handicapped: adj. hindered, but not disabled. neurd: n. a neuro-diverse individual [< neur-D]. STEMpunk:...
  12. I'm A Little Bit Afraid

    It's nothing new to me that I feel "behind" my peers. Socially, emotionally, interest wise. Instead of a regular high schooler (9th-12th, about 14/15-17/18 years old for those who don't know), I feel like I'm 12 or something! I'm 16 though, and I'm afraid of what the future holds. Everyone seems to have some semblance of a plan for after high school, but I don't. Everyone's either employed or looking for a job, and I'm not. Everyone seems to know their sexuality and their interests and...
  13. I Feel a Bit Silly Now

    So come to find out, my school has psychologists. 4 of them, in fact. I'll try to schedule time with them sooner rather than later. Or, should I wait until next school year? It's getting close to the end right now, and I don't want to have to waste gas and money driving up to the school or wherever over the summer. Not to mention the already tight schedule from family matters. I'm supposed to be co-hosting for the school's talent show tomorrow night, but it doesn't feel real. I've only...
  14. Been a While

    So the show on Saturday was great. My mom got us both seats in the balcony, to the back, so it wasn't too loud! Also, I found out my therapist is going on vacation. I told him about the whole "weird leg" thing, but we didn't really explore it. Would it be worthwhile to talk about what I think is ASD related without directly saying I think I have ASD? I don't know. I feel kind of bad because I want a different therapist, but I think I'll make him upset in some way! Not to mention the fact...
  15. 51 Aspects of Autism

    An article in which the author does an amazing job of describing 51 personality traits that make her autistic.
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