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Headspace

Raggamuffin
7 min read
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67
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2
Personal
Uninstalled WhatsApp. Probably an "all or nothing" response to things, but I might as well expand upon my reasoning. The only person I speak to on there is Meg, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm waiting for responses. Not sure how, but now she's not working, her replies seem to be even slower...
Raggamuffin
6 min read
Views
53
Reaction score
1
Personal
Freedom or restriction? Each time I became single I felt freer. When me and Meg decided to go back to being friends I felt a physical relief from how much anxiety I’d had in our relationship. Thing is, since then I haven’t really felt that free, and whilst reflecting on my behaviour and...
Raggamuffin
13 min read
Views
63
Personal
Tuesday Drove to meet Meg on Saturday morning. Woke up early, had a shower, got the paper as soon as the village shop opened. Then posted it through the letterbox at my parents and set off. The drive was easy enough, I made good progress as I left around 6:05 and so the roads were very quiet...
Raggamuffin
2 min read
Views
24
General
Last night I put on an episode of the new Top Gear. They had 3 old convertible cars, one of which is the same era Mercedes SLK that my parents have. When I pointed it out, they both got very excited. My mum then watched for a bit and exclaims, that's a different model to my Mercedes, because it...
Raggamuffin
9 min read
Views
73
Personal
Didn’t smoke this morning. Congratulations? Not sure. Don’t feel really with it today even though I’m sober. Feeling rather foggy. This morning I heard 4 loud beeps every 30 seconds in the cabin. I tried to pin point it. Initially I thought it was the alarm. I never paid too much attention to...
Raggamuffin
8 min read
Views
62
Personal
Seem to be stimming more of late. Moments of pure hyperactivity. Some of it is on the drive home. Masking in the office and then a big release that’s needed to acclimate I suppose? Not sure really. It’s short, intense bursts of very loud, random noises and exaggerated movements and all sorts...
Raggamuffin
18 min read
Views
81
Personal
I feel like I need to be utilised better at work. But with the boss and his partner away, there isn’t really much I can do other than when Craig needs a hand. But he answers virtually all the calls, because 9 times out of 10, any calls I do take will be queries for him anyway. With customers...
Raggamuffin
16 min read
Views
71
Personal
Smoking first thing isn't good. Starting the day in a haze. A smoke in the morning is more intense and lasts longer. I’d claim it’s enjoyable, but often it isn’t. Whilst it lasts longer than a smoke during the daytime, it’s not a good way to begin the day, and it’s been this way for months now...
Raggamuffin
4 min read
Views
83
Reaction score
1
Personal
Odd language use set me off down the rabbit hole today. Meg messaged me this afternoon saying: "I've gone in to cambridge for the afternoon to try and make a friend tinder not-date. Is good to meet a new person :)" One thing I'm still adjusting to is knowing she's in Haddenham but not...
Raggamuffin
10 min read
Views
110
Personal
Restful beginning to the week. Walks in Aldreth and into the nearby woods. It's about a 30 minute loop, and I spent some time in the woods. I did said walk Mon, Tue and Wed after my first day at my new job. In terms of workload it'll be easier than all but my first job. The location is a big...
Raggamuffin
5 min read
Views
107
Personal
Reaching the end of this bug that I had. All that lingers is a tickly and slightly chesty cough. The whole thing has lasted about 8 days now. Slept a lot last week, clearly it was needed. Hadn't really done a great deal. Met a friend last Thursday. First proper in real life meeting. She's the...
Raggamuffin
8 min read
Views
84
General
Woke up 5 times last night. Had an early night - in bed before 9. Me and Meg played some Trine 2 on co-op via Steam. It was fun. A real magical game. We called each other about half way through, as no voice chat made it a little tricky to know what the other was doing at times. Anyway - waking...
Raggamuffin
14 min read
Views
77
General
Felt a little low last night. Meg got to the work site, we had a decent length chat. I'm still putting the blame on me for the breakup, although she reiterated that neither of us were faultless. Both of us weren't in the right headspace for a relationship, I wish I'd listened to my gut. Still...
Raggamuffin
20 min read
Views
77
Reaction score
1
Everyday Life
Friday was productive at work, but how I left took some time to process. Initially it was shock. I rang Meg, we chatted briefly, but she couldn't hear me too well, so we decided to chat about it when we met later that evening. I also rang Guy and he said I'd scared them off with how I'd written...
No
Raggamuffin
8 min read
Views
144
Reaction score
1
General
Been posting about work struggles in detail on my Facebook art page. Tuesday evening Guy messages me asking how work is. Made me feel unseen again. He follows my art page he can see how work is, and I didn't feel like repeating myself. So I just said exhausted. He said let's meet Thursday or on...
Woke up with about 90 mins before I had to go to work. Nerves made me a little uneasy when I pulled up in the car park, but before then I was doing ok. I had a couple of messages from Meg in the morning which helped. Although it's my usual bias in terms of how much I write and what I receive in...
Raggamuffin
2 min read
Views
56
My Diagnosis
Ate some fungi. Thought it'd put me in a better state for my new job tomorrow - you know; proven reduction in depression and all that jazz. Counterintuitive? It was quite intense at times, especially flying solo, but it's winding down now. The message? Rest up - you are exhausted. Sure, I'm...
Raggamuffin
15 min read
Views
318
Reaction score
1
Comments
2
Love
Last night we went to Guy's and I panicked to the point of vomiting 3 times. Barely spoke, barely ate, I was the third wheel. Meg spent the evening playing with herhair whilst talking to Guy. It worried me, even though im sure its probably innocent. I just lept to catastrophic thinking. Kept...
Raggamuffin
11 min read
Views
147
Reaction score
1
Everyday Life
Quiet evening with Meg planned. Nice food, snacks, back rub, chill at mine. Film and an early night. Got invited to a dinner with Meg, her mum and her step dad as he's got a new job. Change of plan. I go with it. A change of pace mind. Going from a quiet night at mine to recharge and then faced...
Raggamuffin
7 min read
Views
95
Everyday Life
Threw up last night - whoops. Too much good food and I knew I should've stopped eating, but I kept going, multiple times. It's fine though - wasn't too traumatic. Normally I get some nausea and just force myself to go to sleep. But upon going to bed it was clear within moments that I'd have to...

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Raggamuffin
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