This post is saying what I am feeling:Men expect women to take all the decisions: What to wear, what to eat, why to buy - even where to live | Daily Mail Online
Well, I'm not the dominant-type woman, I prefer to feel safe with someone reliable.
And I think Aspies are like that too - except maybe it feels a bit different.
In my culture, husbands usually the one who are being reliable about almost everything. Of course they discuss with their partners too. Like house to buy, car to purchase, kids stuffs, groceries.. but with an Aspie partner, you end up doing everything alone. I feel jealous of couples who share the joy of making decisions together.
When I ask my partner to make decisions, I feel like I can't trust the decision - because it was made without any thought. It feels like the 'decision' was 'made' because he just want to get over it. How can you trust a decision like that, especially major decisions which involves both of your future? He does not even care, he does not even think that the purchase is important, for example, buying a house. Sure, we wont die and it's less hassle if we don't even buy it now, but what about the future?
Part of it maybe because he's already exhausted in trying his best to live in a foreign country. Okay, if he's in his country, would he make decisions? Paying bills, yes, it's easy since they automatically withdraw from his account. Deciding an apartment? Nope, all this time, his mom do everything for him - deciding which apartment is better, packing his stuffs, arrange the move..
But he did a great surprise when he did all the moving when he moved from his country to mine. I was so surprised and happy. Big applause.
I just hope he can be happy here already. He said he is depressed and wants friends, but I cant see anything done by him about that. But he doesn't want me to meddle in. Okay, I don't even have social talents like that anyway. But seeing him sad and lonely like that makes it sad and suffocating (of course he's much more suffocating).
Maybe it's just his pace is slow. Maybe given time, he'll adapt better. But Aspie changes? Hmm.. doubt that, unless a miracle happens. Miracle did happened before, so I guess I'll just keep on praying, and do all these decision-making stuffs alone like a 'dominant' woman I am not.. Maybe it's a chance for me to graduate from being indecisive. Yeah, maybe that's the trial God put me in. Thanks God & hubby........
Wish I can do everything alone as easy as breathing.. I'm having trouble coping with work, and now I need to make sure our household won't sunk... Making a decision like purchasing a car isn't a big deal for many people, but it is for me. Reasons are cars in my country are hella expensive because of tax, so usually people have car mortgage for a decade, and I don't know whether we will be living in this country for good, or that we will move back to his country in the future.... Nothing is set in stone, anything can happen.
In this country, there are scammers everywhere, one needs to be able to negotiate, socialize to get the best bargain, besides knowledge about finance and technical stuffs... like in car purchasing.. that usually men in this country have those skills..... but not my partner, and not me too... it becomes scary to face these alone... but anyway, it gonna be okay... I hope so...
I should be grateful that we're living fine even for now.. that we finally manage to live together after years of sad long-distance marriage. Yeah, maybe I should just shoulder the decisions for now. How to get him being confident, I don't know. He said that Aspies wont want to do it unless it's their decision, what they want to do... okay... you want a friend, but you hope the friend comes rolling to you... that'll be hard.. I can only pray.. People say pray works wonder.. God will decide the best path for us, we need to do our best and be patient.. Hope I have that patient.. my prayer is lacking, it's like I didn't put enough heart in it.. I should work it better..
Okay, maybe feel better after writing. Thanks for reading, if there's anybody who care to read this.. May God bless you too.
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Being the Sole Decision-Maker is Unexpectedly Exhausting