So.
I've been offline for a while since getting a new job, and I've learned many things not just about work, but also socialising.
There's this awesome dynamic that I've picked up on that I didn't always have. I saw other people use it and they looked like they were enjoying themselves by utilizing it.
In a way, I wasn't fully aware of.
I knew something was missing, like some kind of key element (which I've mentioned before). I just had to identify it. And I think I found it.
Now this is big. This is something that I have been missing my whole life. I've had a hard time from not having this (imagine driving without tires, that'd be a hard time). It's been in front of me all of my life and I didn't even know that it could be mine, just like it is for everyone else. I feel like my whole life has been on one side of a two way mirror. With my face pressed right up to the glass trying to see through because I knew there was something on the other side and the whole time it was standing on that other side right in front of my face, except, I didn't know that's how close it was. It could see me, but I couldn't see it until one day (recently) I did and I found that all this time it had been just inches away from my face.
So close, yet so far.
It wasn't trying to evade me though, it didnt let me see it because I wasn't ready to have it till now, and I'm kinda glad for this delay in development.
It's to be mean.
No, not like that.
I mean, just don't be NICE.
Don't just give people your kindness and approval. Make them work for it. That's what I mean by "be mean", you know, assertive.
At work we tell mean jokes to jab at eachother for fun. I joke, supervisors joke, co-worker jokes, we all joke and jab at eachother and we all laugh at eachother.
And we all get along because of it! You wanna know why?
It's because we all aren't a bunch of thin-skinned people, we actually have a sense of humour and for way too long I had been hanging out with the wrong people. Humorless people. Sensitive people. Blah. No-fun people. Bleh. Those people you couldn't talk to, couldn't joke with and due to this also couldn't sustain friendships with. Because those so called "friends" of mine were complete basket cases. Couldn't hold a job, flunked out of school, always played the victim, cast blame, etc. etc. These people were not functional or healthy and I blamed myself for the failed friendships with them. I was partially at fault for it. When I realized that I was purposely seeking out dysfunctional people I stopped myself from continuing that behavior.
Why was I doing this behavior? Because it was familiar to me, and I mistook familiarity for acceptability. So, just because I was used to these losers, I thought I had to accept them as my people.
I blamed myself when they didn't want to be my friends anymore. I thought "what's wrong with me?" I always say "yes" to them, I'm always nice to them, I give them things, I share, I always listen to them, try to cheer them up when they're feeling down (they were such buzz kills), and I try so hard to make the friendships work, so why do I always end up getting used and treated like dirt?! Why was this happening? I couldn't understand what was going on. Until I did.
More on this in Part 2.
I've been offline for a while since getting a new job, and I've learned many things not just about work, but also socialising.
There's this awesome dynamic that I've picked up on that I didn't always have. I saw other people use it and they looked like they were enjoying themselves by utilizing it.
In a way, I wasn't fully aware of.
I knew something was missing, like some kind of key element (which I've mentioned before). I just had to identify it. And I think I found it.
Now this is big. This is something that I have been missing my whole life. I've had a hard time from not having this (imagine driving without tires, that'd be a hard time). It's been in front of me all of my life and I didn't even know that it could be mine, just like it is for everyone else. I feel like my whole life has been on one side of a two way mirror. With my face pressed right up to the glass trying to see through because I knew there was something on the other side and the whole time it was standing on that other side right in front of my face, except, I didn't know that's how close it was. It could see me, but I couldn't see it until one day (recently) I did and I found that all this time it had been just inches away from my face.
So close, yet so far.
It wasn't trying to evade me though, it didnt let me see it because I wasn't ready to have it till now, and I'm kinda glad for this delay in development.
It's to be mean.
No, not like that.
I mean, just don't be NICE.
Don't just give people your kindness and approval. Make them work for it. That's what I mean by "be mean", you know, assertive.
At work we tell mean jokes to jab at eachother for fun. I joke, supervisors joke, co-worker jokes, we all joke and jab at eachother and we all laugh at eachother.
And we all get along because of it! You wanna know why?
It's because we all aren't a bunch of thin-skinned people, we actually have a sense of humour and for way too long I had been hanging out with the wrong people. Humorless people. Sensitive people. Blah. No-fun people. Bleh. Those people you couldn't talk to, couldn't joke with and due to this also couldn't sustain friendships with. Because those so called "friends" of mine were complete basket cases. Couldn't hold a job, flunked out of school, always played the victim, cast blame, etc. etc. These people were not functional or healthy and I blamed myself for the failed friendships with them. I was partially at fault for it. When I realized that I was purposely seeking out dysfunctional people I stopped myself from continuing that behavior.
Why was I doing this behavior? Because it was familiar to me, and I mistook familiarity for acceptability. So, just because I was used to these losers, I thought I had to accept them as my people.
I blamed myself when they didn't want to be my friends anymore. I thought "what's wrong with me?" I always say "yes" to them, I'm always nice to them, I give them things, I share, I always listen to them, try to cheer them up when they're feeling down (they were such buzz kills), and I try so hard to make the friendships work, so why do I always end up getting used and treated like dirt?! Why was this happening? I couldn't understand what was going on. Until I did.
More on this in Part 2.
