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Blog Entries from Sabrina

  1. Trichotillomania in my aspie kid

    My kid has trichotillomania, this is my experience.
  2. Mutant and proud, I mean, aspie and proud

    I know I come out as an easy going person, or, more accurately, as a push-over. Nothing could be farther from the truth. When I feel that someone is trying to dominate me, manipulate me, or plain simply, doesn’t respect my boundaries, I walk away. Plain and simple. When that situation used to ocurred in the past, I used to argue with the person so she could understand why I was saying no to something. They would either try to convince me and I would cave in to keep “peace”, or I would end...
  3. My very own corner of peace and love

    Writing in anonymity has become a way to take care of myself. Every time I type a word, it's like combing my hair, or brushing my teeth. Sometimes it's like taking a hot bath for my soul, which is good since I don't have a bathtub. I decided to invest in a full size mattress for myself, so I can continue pijama parties with my boyfriend (as he calls them) when the kids spend the weekend away with their dad. I don't have a room now, but I love my little minimal corner of love and peace. It's...
  4. This aspie woman and her present friendships

    
Checking my Whatsapp chats I've realized that I have three friends that I interact with, in the present: one is a college friend that lives in the other side of the Atlantic, a virtual friend that also lives in the other side of the Atlantic, and a friend (mom of a friend of my daughter's).
 Three friends. After forty-four years of existence. It could be worse, I guess, at least I have three grown ups I can talk to (besides my boyfriend). I'm not a person that makes a big effort to...
  5. The potato bazooka

    I have two friends who used to be a couple, who were friends of my ex and I when we were a couple too. We don’t live in the same country anymore, but when I learned that they separated more or less at the time than we did, I contacted them (separately). What she said about their separation was very similar to what I have said about my ex husband. She felt she was not having emotional support and she needed it. What he said, on the other hand, was interesting: “She has a boyfriend now, but...
  6. Quandaries of a book-geek mom

    The relationship with my dad was based in the exchange of knowledge, mostly him helping me out with school subjects, or him recommending me books. It was never an equal exchange. He mostly downloaded information on me (aspie style) and I received it. I used to receive it gladly because I thought that in the future I would be able to download my information on him. It never happened and I got tired of having a relationship like that (it happened very late in life, I was 39, I think). It was...
  7. Feeling physically safe with a man

    I feel safe with my date of these days. What I mean by “safe” is the physical part of being safe, and I’m not referring to the lack of fear of being abused by him (that’s another horrible fear, but not the subject of this post. To clarify doubts, I feel safe with him in that aspect too). I mean that first, he’s brave, second that he’s aware of his surroundings. Let’s go with the first one, the brave part: yesterday he went to climb AT NIGHT the boulder called Peña de Bernal with a small...
  8. Aspie son, aspie mother

    I had this beautiful aspie conversation with my aspie son (he doesn't know he is an aspie, or that I'm an aspie too). "I want to be left alone in school sometimes and they don't let me". "Don't you have a place to be alone during recess?" "No. And during class, as they say I'm the smartest in the class, the kids are always asking me to help them out. But they're lazy". "Honey, everybody has different abilities, and you know English (we live in Mexico) because I've talked to you in English...
  9. The movie of our lives

    There's several situations that worry me at the moment, but a few seconds ago, I got swept by "my" locker at the pool where I come to swim everyday. It looked beautiful, simple and colored coordinated. It could become an original picture of these times, not just mine, but everybody's. Like those stand-still pictures of fruits in a bowl of the XIX century, my locker, with it's contents, could be a stand-still picture of the early XXI century.
I get distracted a lot, so I have to make a huge...
  10. I need to love again

    Today, May 10th, is Mother’s Day in México, there’s no school, and it’s a national holiday for many, except for restaurants. The ex didn’t take the kids to buy me a present and I resent him for that. He didn’t do it for my birthday either… after 18 years of me always doing something for him to celebrate his birthdays. The worst part is that it’s not the first time, he always came with a perfect excuse that I always believed, when he didn’t buy a gift or celebrated my birthday or any other...
  11. Allowing myself to feel sadness

    I was a bad mom last night and this morning. My fuse was very short and I got exasperated at the most menial things. They’re kids, for crying out loud, what’s wrong with me? I know what’s wrong. I saw the ex yesterday, after weeks of not seeing him, and he didn’t even turn the his head to acknowledge I was there. I, of course, thought: ‘it’s better like this. The only bad thing is that the kids realize what’s going on and it makes them feel uncertain, they feel unsafe’. Wrong. This morning...
  12. The empty love tank of a failed relationship

    I’m separated and so are you. I want to move forward, start anew. You want your wife to continue fighting. But she just can’t. She doesn’t have any strength left. You see me and you see your wife. You see my ex and you see yourself. You want me to go back to him, because that’s what you wish your wife would do. If I do it, she might do it. There would be hope for you. On the other hand, if I declare my marriage dead, you know she is declaring hers dead too. That’s why you told...
  13. Do teens know what they want to do when they grow up?

    "It's very difficult that kids that age know what they want to be when they grow up" said my dad, sixty-seven, when I was telling him that my daughter, thirteen, already knew what she wanted to do when she grows up. Today, in the locker of the pool where I go swimming, I heard two women talking: "He's always been interested in Japan, even started studying Japanese when he was little. Now he's studying gastronomy and dreams of going over there to continue his studies. I tell him, why so far...
  14. The life-saving search for beauty of creative people

    Sopranos and tenors always make my soul soar. Right now, the owner of the incredible voice that I’m listening to is Katherine Jenkins. There’s magic in the melody, but there’s something even transcendental when one understand the lyrics. French, Italian, Spanish, and even English, transmit a perception of life that can’t be understood through any other language. That’s one of the reasons I learned to speak English (Spanish is my first language), then Italian, French, and now German. Every...
  15. Crying with the city lights

    Tonight I feel lonely. I'm out here in my balcony, with a stunning view of the city at night. Usually I would have enjoyed it. But tonight I feel so lonely. I love being alone, when I want to be alone. That is a lot more frequent than it is for most people. I like to write, read, travel, eat, etc., by myself. But tonight I would really want some grown up company.
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