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Blog Entries from Dias

  1. Wave of disgust and distrust

    For the last couple of days I feel somewhat disgusted at some things I see happening around me. And consequently I feel distrust in people and I just want to crawl back in to myself again and forget the others exist. They and what they do is not my problem. But: The emptiness I am feeling is not the world's fault, it is my perception of it that is faulty. Because I am down I see all around me as negative. Looking into ourselves takes courage. Blaming others is just a form of escapism from...
  2. Keeping your word

    I am a person who likes to keep my word towards others. If I say to someone I will do something for them I do it. Well, today I broke my word for the first time in my life as long as I can remember. Yesterday someone asked me to do something and as most of the times I said yes. Well it was not good because I was super busy and tired and the stress made me do some mistakes. In the end I was feeling super down about everything. I was mostly angry with myself for not respecting myself, my...
  3. More about happiness

    Fact: I was afraid to be happy What??? How can this be? How can anyone sabotage their own happiness? Well I don't know the intricacies of the thing but I realized today I was doing it. I only saw my mistakes and bad qualities. But if I really want to be fair I have to see all: good and bad. And even when I am "bad" I still have the right to be happy. I am not saying to ignore the bad, no, correct it we must, but we still deserve to be happy! I am not a fan of self punishment to expiate sins...
  4. Happiness is in our hands, or?

    Spiritual teachers say that happiness is in our hands; I think blaming others or the devil for our misery are just excuses to make ourselves feel better. In the past and until very recently I would see fault in others, I would very easily see their mistakes and a million different ways of how they were hurting me. But something changed: I don't like to play the victim role anymore and I don't like to let others take control of my life, so I take full responsibility for whatever happens with...
  5. Frustration

    I feel so frustrated when I read the posts and see how people are suffering so much and I can't do anything to help! I want to reply something smart and knowledgeable but at the same time what's the use? Everyone says more or less the same...what more can I add to that? When medicine doesn't help, Psichology doesn't help, the Love of the loved ones doesn't help, what to do? I turn to God. I wish everyone could turn to Him for comfort, I wish everyone could Love Him the way I know He loves...
  6. Creative energy or?

    Don't know what is happening but it feels good and I hope it lasts more than a couple of days. I believe this process of knowing about Autism brought light to my life. I feel I am regaining my self-confidence and self-estime; I understand better my behaviours and thoughts and embrace them as part of who I am instead of rejecting them as an anomaly. Where before I saw limitation and error now I see possibilities if I just allow myself to be how I am! This I believe is opening the door to...
  7. Miss the warm weather

    Yes. I already miss the warm weather, the Sun! Back to my daily routine. It is very interesting to observe how I feel and act upon life: I like routine but at the same time I am feeling something strange which is I am feeling like this routine is a prison. Never felt this before. I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders again which I did not feel in India, what is the cause of this? Maybe in India I was more relaxed because I was not playing any role and I could let go of the need to...
  8. Adventure ends

    My two weeks journey in South India are almost finished, time to go back home. Feel really tired today and making a big effort to keep it together, pretending I am good, keeping all to myself and feeling completely disconnected from everyone. Can not handle it any other way. Some people asked me today how I am, I guess they can see that something is off but I just smile and say I am ok...sad to be leaving India...and then I ask how they are and they start happily talking about themselves and...
  9. Who we truly are

    Inspiration ‘In front of God, everybody is equal, whether they are a saint or a sinner, a rich person or a poor person, a white person or a black person. God is Love and He just knows how to love. In your true aspect, deep inside your heart, you are Love.’ — Paramahamsa Vishwananda
  10. Love story

    Visiting places connected to the story of Sita and Rama. So the story goes like this ( in short): Rama, an Avatar( incarnation of God), was married to Sita ( incarnation of Mother earth-Bhudevi); He was the heir to the throne but due to some plots ( his father had three wifes and his third wife wanted her son to be the king so she arranged a plot to force the king to put her son on the throne and not Rama who was the first son of the first wife and therefore the heir) he was forced to exile...
  11. Sadness

    After my initial enthusiasm, yesterday I started feeling sad; sad to see what I perceived to be my own limitations: the way I feel disconnected with the people, even though I like them, how I get confused and my brain does not work, my ears don't listen and my mouth is useful only for eating not for talking; sad to see that even though I do not want attention it comes a point where I feel lonely; sad about the fact that even though I have a job I still feel useless most of the time; The...
  12. Not inspired today

    Having a blank right now...the thing is I have net only a little bit in the morning and in the evening and is not sure so if I am not inspired in the moment I kind of miss the chance to write something useful...but what is useful anyway? I do not know what I am feeling, I would like to say excited because I am going to visit a very huge and important place right now but maybe I am just irritated... Anyway to those who like History and Architecture you should definitely study the History of...
  13. Childish mood

    Have you ever felt like you go back to being a child again?(in a good way) This is how India makes me feel. There is just so much joy and colour and music around all the time. There are always children playing around, and animals:) I feel I can be more spontaneous and let go of the stiffness and walls I build for protection in my normal day to day life. I let go of the need to control, because here there is no way I can control anything...Life just happens and you have no choice but to go...
  14. Doing good so far

    It is almost a week since this pilgrimage started and so far so good. I am enjoying and taking care of myself. I do what I feel I should do: if I want to run and laugh I do it and if I need alone and silent time I put my ear plugs and go to my corner and that is also fine; The people with who I am travelling with know I am like this; The first two days I was eating my meals alone in a corner sitting on the floor, but after I started joining them at the table and they were happy:) sometimes I...
  15. Not much to say

    Sunday was relaxed around here. Beautiful sunny day Don't really have nothing to say... Inspiration ‘When you start to change and when you accept and love yourself, then you will change the world. That's spirituality. Try it in your daily life. Don’t lose hope. Ask for help and the Divine will provide for you. When you make yourself ready, Divine Mother will carry you and will look after you. She will shower you with Her Love so that you may see how easy it is.’ — Paramahamsa Vishwananda
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