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A tiring, if productive week

  1. Another week gone. We did a few coats of paint in the bedroom. When we came to paint it light grey, we did half a wall and realised we hated the colour. So I've done 2 coats of white over it. I need to do 1 more and then I'm done. I suppose white is easier as it's a blank canvas for whoever buys the house.

    Plasterer is here Wednesday-Friday. I'm going to clear downstairs on Monday and Tuesday evenings. On the days they're here I'm planning to do some more storage container trips as well as get the front and rear gardens tidied up. The week after next I'll get the 3 ceilings painted and then we're home free. I'll be relieved in a couple of weeks when there's nothing further for us to do in the house other than keep on top of the tidying.

    All going well, we should have the house on the market towards the end of the week commencing 3rd May. Kristy's birthday is on the 2nd. No big presents though, I said we'd go for dinner when the restaurants re-open. That is, whenever we can get a booking. Kristy has booked time off and she's going to visit friends. She used to tell me who she was specifically seeing, but now we're split up they're not referred to by name. It makes me a little uneasy, but at the same time - I don't have any right to get upset (at least that's what I tell myself).

    I spoke with my neighbour on the way back from the DIY shop. He vented a little about him being reported to the RSPCA - I played dumb. Other than that, we did the usual setting the world to rights. Mainly complaining about work, bills and such like. It's sort of a set menu with him. He repeats the same stories, he complains about the same stuff, and so I just join in now that I know the themes and topics off by heart.

    I keep looking at flats and such like, and I think it might be tricky to get a place I genuinely like which is affordable. As a single person my mortgage limit would be around £60-90k which means I'd most likely have to put in a hefty deposit. We shall have to wait and see I suppose. When I'm house hunting I'll be back at my parents anyway. So there's no rush, and in the mean time I'll be saving money very quickly.

    I've been staffing every day. I got speaking with a chap I see walking his dog around the same time every day. He's been working at a local factory for over 20 years. It's nice to chat with random people when it's more than just the usual passing small talk. He has a very cute dog - it's a Jack Russel cross with a Pomeranian - she's absolutely tiny, even though she's fully grown. Seeing all the dogs is a huge perk to staffing in the park. My knuckle still doesn't feel right though. I wonder how much of this is psychsomatic - I convinced myself I overdid it and injured myself. According to these Seth books I read, all illness is psychosomatic as the body is a living representation of our thoughts and beliefs. To be honest, I had so many years of constant aches and pains due to my own anxieties, and it wasn't until I realised I was the cause of the symptoms that they eventually disappeared. That old phrase "mind over matter" should be taken literally according to Seth - "You create your own reality."

    I have been reading more frequently, although it's never for more than 30 minutes at a time. But at least I'm going back to my books a couple of times a day. In between times I'm reading Wikipedia, and unfortunately I'm still looking at the news - even though I know when I quit reading it for several years, it did me the world of good. Mind you, I'm not getting as emotionally overwhelmed when I read the news these days. If anything, I find it all rather tedious how the media is so relentlessly focusing on the bad.

    Towards the end of the working week I was talking more with Carolyn and Tom. I also enquired about starting early as I was shown how to do the temperature check on Friday morning. The director replied to my query and CC'd in Tom. He said we shouldn't have to do overtime, but we could possibly look into starting early on an alternate rota. Thing is, me and Carolyn are so overworked that we have to put in overtime. Here's hoping they get this 4th person they've been looking into. Also if we can start an hour early now and then, we could get a lot of admin done before the phones start ringing at 08:30.

    Even though I'm staffing more, my weight loss has stalled. I might have to review the diet again in a month or so. Next month will be tight as we've got the other half of the plasterer bill to pay. At least my pay and ability to save will be back to normal at the end of May. I also get my annual gravel trust cheque which is around £2250 at the moment. My parents said it's due to go up to around £20,000 - 25,000 in 3 or 4 years. I often try and remind myself of this, as I know it'll enable me to pay off my mortgage before I'm 45. I told myself to reign in the impulsive spending and start saving my own money before then, otherwise these annual cheques would just go to waste. In fact, the money I saved up for the plasterer was the first decent amount I've been able to save in my entire life. It's a shame the plasterer wiped it out entirely. To be honest, it was just a general saving fund, but at least it's getting put to good use. With the cheque and my own money, I should be at around £4500 saved before the house sells. I've worked out the costs again, and even if we sold the house for the minimum it could possibly sell for, that's still £11,500 each after fees etc and that could go all the way up to £17,500.

    The cravings for bad food are definitely worse than my cravings for alcohol or cannabis. They are so strong and utterly relentless. I'm hoping they eventually stop. In fact, cravings for substances has also been noticebly stronger in recent weeks. Speaking of substances, I had my first cigar of the year - and in all honesty, it felt forced and wasn't very pleasant. Probably a good thing that something I assumed I would enjoy turned out to be an unpleasant experience. It should hopefully put a close to that short lived past time.

    Feel like I'm getting a bit of the Sunday blues at the moment - an exhausting first week back in the office, so much stuff to still go into storage, the bedroom painting fiasco, Kristy being vague about who she's seeing these days, worries about future affordability of my own flat. I guess I have to focus on what I can do in the here and now, rather than what's been and gone, or what's yet to be.


    About Author

    Ed, 34, UK

    I'm an underachiever with numerous talents. Exhausted by people and being stuck in the rat race. Unable to shake depression for nearly 2 decades.

    Approaching a year and a half sober. I've undertaken numerous lifestyle changes in recent years. I'd hoped they'd provide some solace from mental health issues. In reality, I know work is my main stressor. 16 years spent in jobs I've never considered careers, or worthy of my time.


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