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A relaxing week

Threw up last night - whoops. Too much good food and I knew I should've stopped eating, but I kept going, multiple times. It's fine though - wasn't too traumatic. Normally I get some nausea and just force myself to go to sleep. But upon going to bed it was clear within moments that I'd have to be sick.

Up just before 6. Done well this week in terms of getting bits done, along with exercise, better hydration and just relaxing. Guy messaged me attempting to instigate me visiting several times. But I told him repeatedly I'm on recharge mode. He asked what I'd lost my charge to. Truth be told, I've been finding less time on Messenger and IM'ing more helpful. The week before I was in the deep end with relying on it to communicate with Meg and getting frazzled with my anxiety etc.

So when Guy asked that, I didn't really care to elaborate more than burnout. Because that's what it is. Cumulative stress - it's just had me tired, worn out and needing rest. Also, he follows my art page and likes virtually every post I write on there. I've described these struggles in detail, and this has been several posts over the past few months. It's not something new, and I'm not a stranger to him, so I was a little irked when he posed the question - as if he didn't know already. Perhaps he just wanted me to open up more about it. But the oyster is shut on this ocassion. Seek your pearls elsewhere:


Plus I said I want to recharge before I start this new job. Found out this morning that I start at 8am on Tuesday. Once I'm trained I hope I can work earlier if possible. Wonder if I'll get an hour for lunch. Should get the contract to sign in the post shortly.

Picked up my prints of a picture that had ran out after I sent my last print to Tiffany in Alabama. As the parcel contained one A2 picture - it was quite a hefty parcel and cost over £50 to send. The prints I collected are more Giclee prints. They're on very thick, almost card like paper. I believe it comes off as a roll. So it's hand cut. But each previous set of prints I got was slightly too big. Not sure if this is what they mean by full bleed. I need a guillotine to cut the paper down. I lost a thumbnail to one of those in my 3rd job. Quite a spicy experience. I remember being led to the car to go to hospital and holding my hand above by head to stop the bleeding, and I hit it on the top of a door frame as someone was opening the door for me. Phwoar.

When I was driving back from the print place I pondered stopping by Guy's. But I just want me time right now. I think it's been good for me. Besides, me and Meg are visiting him on Saturday evening. Guy's daughter is going to be there too and we're having dinner there. On Sunday we're travelling a couple of hours north to go apple picking with Meg's dad's side of the family. Not sure if we're heading out Saturday night or Sunday morning. There's a 3 day weekend here due to the queen's funeral. Still don't know why anyone would be moved by that, unless they knew her personally. Sentimental nonsense. Bit cold, but ehh - media saturation at this point. Media saturation from day one to be honest. When you don't care about something, and you see reference to it everywhere - it tests my patience.


Re-watching some jail documentaries. Always find it fascinating to see how people live their lives. The social and humanising side to people who might've committed horrific acts. Not been able to find an MSNBC Lockup full series. Each site I tried was region locked so UK viewers couldn't access it. Or it was supposed streaming sites but dead links or no links at all. For shame. That was my first and favourite prison documentary series and supposedly it ran for a very long time and had a huge amount of episodes.

More cycling later I think. A little bit breezy today. North wind so cooler too. Cycling has felt nice. Reading more too which is good. Should get my next bill from the mechanic over the road at some point. Heater matrix, glow plugs and addressing some other bits. Not sure if he'll have done the cambelt on this week's work. Then the leak was from the steering rack which he's going to order.

I've just realised that today was supposed to be when he started the bodywork. Huh. Makes no nevermind to me. Clearly, as I only just realised the significance of the date. It's fine - the van will get done. No sense getting precious about dates. The last project car I had was with the mechanic almost a year. Mind you - he did take the p with it. I think Neil over the road is a lot more trustworthy. It'll get done, and then I'll have his brother to convert the insides. Might go to a commercial vehicle workshop to get the box done though. Make sure it's fully future proofed before I put in the time/money to converting the inside.

What else. Did some pictionary with Meg again. It's good for a few laughs. Done a bit of gaming recently, but nothing too crazy. Got the 2 hour craft fair on Saturday morning. The fact it's 2 hours, in a bigger village and seems to be advertised more - I think it could be decent foot traffic. It'll be nice to go on another adventure with Meg, allbeit a mini one.

Still quite surprised how close this new workplace is. The fact the bike ride is down quiet country lanes and offroad paths - it's lovely. It's only the last 10 minutes that is on a busier road. Even then it's not crazy busy. Although it might be a little busier on the way in and out of work, depending on my final working hours/shift. Still, I'm kinda looking forward to it. New things to learn, people to meet, experiences to share etc. Plus money. Money, money, money. The van Gods demand a monetary sacrifice.

Smoked a bit more than I'd planned when going back. Nothing too crazy, but it's noticeable. Same with mega snacking and a fair few purchases of late. Still, I'm in good spirits in general. I find as I focus on certain areas to improve upon - others tend to slip. But I'm exercising, reading, hydrated and less stressed and down right now. So I'll take the rough with the smooth. It all balances out eventually - just not all the things at the same time :)

Went to the graveyard the past couple of evenings to catch the twilight colours. The old tractor seat. I have fond memories of when I first brought Meg there. I remember it each time I visit. Each time I walk past Marcus' house I worry that he'll spot me and want to socialise. Does that make me a bad friend? Nope, not really. It's just how I am. Would rather slip by unnoticed where possible. In fact, when I get in and out of somewhere, or a situation - and haven't been seen? I get a real good buzz. As a kid I used to enjoy trying to go up and downstairs as quietly as possible. Especially as a teen and in my early 20's when I was more of a night owl, and the creeky floorboards and stairs at home made it real challenging.

Used to also do games in my head. Like get somewhere before the countdown in my head finished. Or do something specific otherwise some grave disaster or accident could happen. I still create these instant mini-games in my head on a regular basis each week.

Coffee then reading I think.

Wonder if I'll get anything through the post today. Bookmarked nearly 20 rings on Etsy. Showed Meg a bunch of them. It's nice to be with someone who has similar tastes and beliefs in various areas. Very nice.

I pondered the other day what Meg said about putting up boundaries with me, moreso. I wonder if it's because of how many similarities we have. Potential for things to be wonderful, but also hurt like hell if it went tits up. That, plus the fatigue from her last relationship. I understand why anyone would be guarded in such circumstances. I guess I felt a bit away with the faeries in the first month we met. But it feels more like normal service has resumed in my life. I enjoy and look forward to the time we get to spend with each other, but I'm weary of co-dependence and the fact we both do well with enough space. So I get it.

It's good that this week has felt calm. Especially compared to the week before. I reckon this weekend will be nice.

Photoshop sub runs out today. Should probably print out the pictures. Just make sure brightness etc is all good so then nearly 40 of my photos are locked in. Ready to sell, print copies and get loaded onto my website. Fine tuning the prints will use the cheap paper. But finalising on the good quality paper can still require a couple of prints. Not so much worried about the inks as the fact the paper will run out. I need to eventually see if I can find a wholesale supplier of it. Rather than picking up a pack at a time.

Right, coffee. Read. Coffee, read.

Benis Nevis.




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