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Blogs

  1. Board game stuffs #2: One of the best of them

    Today we'll talk about Spirit Island, one of the biggest and best of them all.
  2. I'm doing what I can and I think that's ok

    Self care seems out of reach sometimes at least the way its portrayed to me. Self care is trips across the world and new dresses. Self care is spa days and afternoon naps. Self care is a glass of wine and therapy appointment. I did none of that. I stayed up all night worried about my health and the future and my legs just kept bothering me. Itching and tingling . I zoned out not really caring about the show I was watching tossing and turning trying to find comfort in the discomfort. Then...
  3. Staying sober on weekdays

    4 day weekend is on the horizon. Yesterday was my first weed free day since I started again. Figured I should attempt smoking on the weekends only again. It'd be good to save money and use less weed. Of course, even when I only smoked on weekends, I made exceptions for when I booked holiday off work. A 4 day weekend will probably leave me feeling a little fried, so I should try and keep busy in order to avoid smoking too much. In truth, last weekend felt a little too busy for my liking....
  4. you, but not

    Walking and playing with words, to see what happens to feelings and whether they lose their sting when I give then some air. Feel dumb about feeling the bad part about feeling connected and hiding in confusion about missing so beautiful a place that mattered a place that felt like home for the first time though I didn’t fit and I wasn’t wanted and it wouldn’t be safe and before I knew the wounds were there I was left a shambles. Woven theough the branmbles of confusion is gratitude. It...
  5. Busy days

    I can already tell that the word limit on this blog will be an issue. Quite a lot happened in recent days. Friday I had root canal. Unpleasant as ever. Similar to my last one – I had 3 injections and was still in a lot of pain during the procedure. When I got to work Tom said I was late and couldn’t take as long a lunch. I had made up more than enough time in overtime to earn a full lunch break but I didn’t fight my corner or attempt to tell him he was wrong. It was a short shift anyway....
  6. Giving up

    For the past 2 years i have been seriously concerned and obsessed about my inability to forge lasting friendships and romantic relationships, but last week i have decided to give up and get back into my old life, get back into the buble and spend all my time studying and my hobby's. I need to for my mental health. I used have one or two friends I'd talk to a couple times a month, i hope I can atleast get something similar back. Very Intemate relationships with people aren't for me, there is...
  7. nothing i can do

    Its pretty much over, there is nothing i can do except stare at the walls. Had my first school day today, felt like a straight alien being amongst nt. Life isn't really worth it for me, and there is nothing i can do, its all pointless, there is no reason why i should study or work on a hobby instead of staring at the walls, nothing is really going to make a difference. Im only here because my family is keeping me hostage,
  8. You're going to be ok

    BGM - It's been an interesting few days and I've bumped into more people that I hadn't seen in a long time. On Friday I met with Jack and we went to McDonald's. We watched a bit of a Tom Segura stand up special whilst we ate, then headed back to Wilburton where he lives. We had a smoke and chill up at the rec (park) in the village, chatting about games and such like. I've often wondered if Jack is on the spectrum or has ADHD. His behaviour, incredible memory for video game facts and the...
  9. Late summer 2021

    Went for a drive on a day when the smoke from wildfires was pretty thick. That is why the sky is gray not Montana blue. I wanted to hike, but would’ve gotten a sore throat and eyes so the drive had to be substituted. Out one of the canyons here which has paved roads, got out a few times to look around. Had snacks while parked on an old logging road. I hope my guests weren’t too bored. Two views of a wall of rock with hanging gardens. Uncrowded back road on a late summer day. My...
  10. Beliefs aren't reality

    I tried to look into the emotion behind my daily aches and pains. I concluded it must be fear. This set me off in tears as I thought to myself - I am always afraid. Ever since I started seeing Dr's about my constant pains and they attempted to reassure me that it was 'just anxiety'. I was still afraid however. In fact, every time I get a pain - I am afraid. I look to my how I live my life and I'm scared of people, scared of losing my job, of my family judging me, of my health, my diet, my...
  11. Living on a sailboat ain't all that glam

    Several people have commented on the "romance" of living on a sailboat. I always assume they mean "romance" in the sense of Hemmingway, not Romance<3 <3 <3 in the sense of a Harlequin novel. Yes, there is some adventure but often living on a boat is just hard work. It certainly is not convenient. To go to the store, for example, we get in our 8 foot dinghy and motor (electric motor) about 1k to the nearest dock. Easy peasy. Except an 8 foot dinghy sides are only about 10" above the...
  12. Definitely a morning person

    Had an early night as I was shattered on Tuesday. Woke up at 5am. Figured I'd wake and bake because work doesn't start for 3.5 hours. I went into the garden and the first slither of light was visible on the horizon. Not long after I'd sparked up I heard a meow from the darkness. I went over to investigate the edge of the garden and a little black cat came out. I could barely make out any detail other than a bell on it's collar as it moved. Really affectionate little thing. I made a fuss of...
  13. The agony of choice

    Woke up today absolutely shattered. I got enough sleep, and I only woke up once; momentarily. Don't have coffee to rely on to help wake me up these days. Supposedly prolonged hydration will help energy levels. No coffee is leading to drinking more water. With the hot weather Mon-Wed I need to ensure I drink enough water. I seem to be having my daily smoke on the last 5 min drive before home. This could be seen as reckless for numerous reasons. Personally I've had no issue driving stoned for...
  14. Here comes trouble

    No dizziness since Friday. So coffee was the cause it seems. Yet I made myself a coffee on Sunday. I poured it down the sink in the end, because as much as I craved it - I couldn't justify feeling dizzy. The weekend was fairly standard. I met Jack a couple of times. We had an evening smoke on Friday and then on Saturday he picked up some tweed for me and then we met up at the park and chatted for a few hours before we went to McDonald's and got a bite to eat. Carried on chatting and then...
  15. effort

    Its all just so much effort, i don't understand where anyone gets the energy from to even care, even just talking and thinking replies to give is so much work. Even writing this entry is so tiresome.
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