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Blogs

  1. Why.. after everything...

    I wonder why people hate the Jews so much. I mean they are literally just people who are born, have ordinary lives, raise families, get old, become elders, and die, just like anyone else. Why are they hated? I have known a great many Jews in my life and I assure you, none of them had any "secret agenda of world domination". That's silly. Even Israel, the reason it wants to be a Jewish State, is because the British, when they created it after WW2, created a two state solution. Originally,...
  2. Of fentanyl and murder

    My beloved cousin whom I grew up with just died. He has a wife and children. He had trouble with drugs in the past and moved away from his hometown. Missed everyone and came back. Not one week later, he shows up dead. This past Saturday, a heroin dealer with a grudge enticed and murdered my cousin. He gave him fentanyl instead of heroin and my cousin died alone. We know it was murder because you don't clean up after yourself after you overdose. The guy took all the evidence and ran. I...
  3. The size of baseballs

    My hair was long and golden. I never really braided it or did it fancy. Just held it back with a headband or a scrunchie. I started chemo about 3 weeks ago. My hair was intact until a few days ago. Then on Friday I was taking a shower and running conditioner thru my hair when I started pulling out clumps of hair the size of baseballs. I began screaming and crying hysterically. My 15 year old daughter helped me clean up the mess and we went down to Great Clips. They shave your head for free...
  4. Invisible

    It feels like the whole world is a world that is separate from yours like all the people and things occurring are separate from your world as if you are the reader of the book who is walking around this universe watching everything happen but unable to participate, seeing what’s about to happen but unable to stop it. No one sees you or acknowledges that you’re there, someone walks into you, but you keep going because you have to keep going otherwise its all going to stop all of a sudden and...
  5. Trichotillomania in my aspie kid

    My kid has trichotillomania, this is my experience.
  6. 9/11 From an Aspie Perspective

    This is my experience of 9/11, being on the autism spectrum. As a kid it was suggested that I might have something called "Aspergers", but it was the 80s, and they believed that Aspergers was only a boy illness. Besides I wasn't "retarded" as everyone told me. So years went by, and my autism was untreated. You can guess how I did socially at school or in any big group of people. But still, she persisted. I remember 9/11. I was waking up to travel to and start my first day at Angell Job...
  7. Blog 2: Two & Half Years Ago...

    It's been two years and a half since I last been on Autism Forums. Here's an update if you guys care to look!
  8. Make a Wish

    You wouldn't believe what a Wonderful Day we had. Woke up and soon after getting dressed, about ten ladies arrived at my door. They handed me $100 cash and told me to get the heck out of my own house for at least 2 hours. So I treated my parents to a restaurant for an early Grandparent's Day gift. Just after we were done eating, my brother showed up in the parking lot, and I gave him some leftovers, so it was like he got to eat with us there too <3 We went home and found the entire house...
  9. There's a lot of good people

    People naturally have this thing with cancer. It's remarkable. Since being diagnosed, people have given us so much stuff. And it means a lot too. During the recession, we literally had almost nothing. First the vegetables would run out, then the meat, then the beans, and then we'd watch in horror as the rice was depleted. It's a good thing my daughter was homeschooled back then, because we slept most of the day to avoid feeling hunger pangs. I read every book I could to discover what...
  10. Chemo.....

    I always swore to myself that if I got cancer, I'd run away into the woods and live off the land. Drinking fresh water, eating raw herbs, do a massive burdock detox, etc. But when I hear I only have 3 to 5 years to live, and those years will be progressively worse and worse, as the cancer eats through my pelvic bone and metastasizes into my organs, what other choice do I have? I am a single mom. Abandoned by my daughter's father when he heard I was sick. I can't let her go into the foster...
  11. Started learning the local language

    My spouse relocated to my country. We have at least three languages used here; I repeat, THREE LANGUAGES!! English for work (we are not from English-speaking countries), Another local language for communication with the locals, And another foreign language for religious culture purpose (yes, we want to practice our beliefs). ..and my spouse is a level 1 (out of 100 or 1k levels) beginner at all of these languages.. Can you imagine how hard it is for an aspie, who relocated to a...
  12. 2 Hours, 47 Minutes Daily

    My priority project is going well enough. I feel I’m able to focus on limiting my iPad screen time again. I’ve been struggling with emotional regulation lately & limiting screen time seems to help with this. Among other things. My ultimate goal with limiting my screen time is to keep it between 1-2 Hours Daily, with one day off a week, one month off a year. It will also support my priority project by giving me the gift of more time to spend on that.
  13. I cried again last week.

    I cried reading picture books: Julian is a Mermaid & Frida Kahlo & Her Animalitos. That was unexpected. Nobody saw me, so I could enjoy it in peace. Excrete those stress hormones & release those endorphins. It does give me a slight headache from dehydration though, but it’s better for me than holding it in.
  14. Exhaustion

    I’m exhausted. I’m drained all the time. I’m really struggling to hold it together. The evenings are the hardest times for me. I can’t run away any longer, so I’m stuck wide awake with only myself for company. I don’t know how to cope with this. I’m so tense, and my fear of relaxing coupled with the possibility I could relax so much that I lose control makes me rigid with panic and stress. Nighttime is scary. I’m not functioning well after dark. I don’t know how to keep going. I’m triggered...
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