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  1. Impasse

    The healing after my tooth extraction continues to go smoothly. It's been over 72 hours now, but this length of time still doesn't allow for the limited interests I have. I don't think I can do any exercise until I'm at the 5-7 day mark. Even then, it seems to suggest to avoid vigorous exercise. So that's walking, cycling and staffing out the window until next weekend. I know walking probably doesn't count as vigorous exercise - but I enjoy walking very fast, and it gets the blood pumping....
  2. Post Extraction

    Tooth extraction yesterday was textbook. Mind you, this is the second time I've been referred to a specialist and they turned up to work late. I'd have thought that if you earned big money being a medical specialist - you'd at least learn to be punctual. He didn't wait after injecting me to begin the extraction. Normally they wait a few mins for you to fee l properly numb. I was a little nervous because when he first gripped the tooth I was unsure if I was simply feeling the pressure of the...
  3. Rambling

    I always push myself too far/endure too much before i realize yes, i am really feeling depressed and crippled with anxiety. I need my therapist right now. I don't feel okay. I am so scared of life sometimes even my fear of physical pain goes away. How am i going to live in this world when my parents die? How am i supposed to deal with all these feelings alone i don't know. But part of me still prefers this hell to physical pain.
  4. Smile

    Chat? Do you like Youtube? Let's watch together! On: Watch2Gether. No need to make accounts. We can pick different random videos, anything we want to watch/listen to, or choose specific topics. Baking&Cooking, Electronics, Health, Music, Nature, - Camping - Survival. Science, Sports.. It would be nice start "networking" together, If you have interest in that - want that too. It's ok if you just want to watch videos listen to music for the fun of it - Together!
  5. No retreat, no surrender

    I find dictatorships and such like to be quite fascinating. After many years feeling emotionally destabilised when I read the news, I seem to have gone the other way. Being able to distance my emotions from bad news, and often turning it around with a real dark comedy twist. If you've ever uttered the phrase "I find that offensive" you may not wish to read the below: To be honest, firing without warning is the most effective way to use a gun. Don't want people getting the chance to duck....
  6. Steps in the right direction

    I am feeling more positive about the next steps in life. Whilst I can't confirm when I'll be handing my notice in at my current job, I do know that it will be this year. I was adament this job was to be the last office job before I went onto pursue my talents. Office jobs are soul destroying, and this job has been the worst of the four jobs I've had since I was 18. Too stressful, badly managed, understaffed, poorly paid and with no friends. I wonder if I'd have ever quit the job had I still...
  7. I will be quitting the rat race in 2022

    Made a fair few audio recordings in recent weeks. Uploaded one last week on a rather profound day, where my parents agreed that this job is a very bad fit for me, and told me they supported me quitting this job and going full time with my art/photography. Initially I'd felt like a weight had been lifted. No more worrying about staying in a job I hated. Or looking for a house in the city where I worked, to stay in a job I hated etc. After a day or so, the inner-critic and self-doubt began to...
  8. Summer and fall by the numbers

    Period covers July 5th 2021 to December 24th 2021. Days away from home: 146 Miles travelled: 11,596 Unique beds slept in: 11 States travelled: 8 Counties visited: 2 Cars used: 2 (old one was sold for a newer used car) Families vistited: 6 Hours driving: oh god.... Hours spent "hanging out": I don't know, I went to my happy place Deaths of loved ones: 2 Number of times hands washed: I have no "hands" left! Covid infections: 0
  9. fMRI

    I took part in an experiment for research in depression, they made me play a game while they examined by brain through fMRI. Apparently, this is my brain:
  10. winter

    the holiday time is depressing That’s all I wanted to write. The software tells me I have to enter at least 150 characters. I don’t want glib answers to questions people assume I am asking, nor pity.
  11. Livestreaming now!

    Hey guys, if anyone wants to watch me on youtube, come on in! I'm going to be investigating lost media, maybe follow a few rabbit holes, maybe I'l play some old games, who knows:) So if you feel like it, come watch!
  12. The Most Vague Reality

    Oliver and MrConfident have been talking to each other, and it seems... Shady. Not shady like Slim Shady, but SHADY. I'm gonna go round the outside and make sure one of them ain't the first king of controversy. lpjxu frp Zswv 07 A
  13. 2 Years Sober

    Today marks 2 years alcohol free - time flies. I also lost the 2+ stone I gained from all those years being a drunk and living off takeaways. Haven't had a migraine since I quit drinking either. Whilst alcohol is a depressant, I'd say my depression has been worse since quitting alcohol. Progress is a slow burn, and whilst I've seen a lot of positive changes, being sober is no panacea. Still, I wouldn't ever want to go back. I didn't drink for a long time after my first experience drinking...
  14. Sorry, I can't have a proper conversation anymore

    Been a while since I’ve posted on here. Haven’t really had the desire or motivation to do so. I tended to write blogs and be more active here when I was in the office at work. It broke up the day-to-day grind and helped me feel a bit more social when stuck in an office where I feel very isolated. This is the second week of working from home. Setup in my parents’ office now. It’s good to work from a desk again. I am more productive and less distracted now. He says, whilst writing a blog. I’m...
  15. 1.

    Unexpectedly, a bad ptsd episode resulted from a conversation at the lumber supply. I thought all I was doing was asking a guy, okay, an attractive guy, about his dog. I didn’t expect there to be much of a response, but words gushed out of him, like he was being examined & filmed for a screen test. And as usial for me when I’m overwhelmed by a social situation, I start copying the person. &:$:!*}€~#£¥<! Why can I NOT control this? OH right. Because I suck at social interaction. Because I...