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Asperger's & Autism Forum
This question was asked by another member in another thread. I thought it seemed like a question worthy of its own thread.
So, ladies, here's an opportunity to state your opinion on what constitutes a "nice" guy in the romantic sense. Perhaps your thoughts on this will be of benefit to some of our gentleman members who are unsure what this term implies from a woman's perspective.
I'll start with my personal belief. A nice guy is one who is respectful, courteous, thoughtful, kind, loyal and genuine. He can be a smartass from hell and opinionated as all get-out, but if he meets the criteria above, he still falls into the "nice" category with me.
For me, it's more about a man's actions than his words anyway. If he treats me well and doesn't give cause to mistrust him or his intentions, then what he says isn't a huge factor.
Listen to me when I'm talking, be interested in my well-being, tip the waitress fairly, talk to the animals, stand by a set of principles. Those things are...
I've posted several things on here and your feedback has been immensely helpful. This is probably going to be really long so I hope that doesn't discourage you from reading it. I feel like I need to give you the history.
This has to do with how becoming aware you were on the spectrum affected your relationships.
I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say I would bet my life that my boyfriend has undiagnosed AS. He's almost 50 years old and high functioning.
I've done a lot of reading and perusing websites seeking information and it's been crucial for me in understanding how the differences in our wiring are responsible for an untold number of issues that have arisen between us. It's basically helped me to cope with difficulties I've had in our relationship.
I felt as though it wasn't my right to point out to him the possibility of AS. I wasn't sure my reasons were noble (I.e. to satisfy my own curiosity) and I thought it could be hurtful...
I thought it would be interesting to see what people also have to deal with in their lives aside from Asperger's and autism. You can include anything, whether it's mental or physical, comorbid or unrelated, it just has to impede on your daily life in some way.
So tell me, what other conditions do you have to deal with either it's a bad back, bipolar, Down's syndrome or arthritis. And vent about it if you wish to.
From the pure logical point of view, I was tempted to blame the phenomenon that nice guys finish last on patriarchy. After all, the concept that male partner should be dominant is rooted in patriarchy, and the fact that nice guys finish last is a consequence of the fact that women want to stick to this patriarchal concept: in fact, sticking to this concept is even more important to women than actually being treated nicely!
However, when I actually talk TO woman about this, what i see seems to be just the opposite: its the feminist women that would slam "nice guys" the most! To me this seems like a contradiction. I mean, if feminists don't believe in gender roles, why do they select a dominant male for themselves? Makes no sense! However, if I think about it a bit further, the reason an aspie male is not being dominant is rooted in the fact that he is constantly being "beaten up" for having poor social skills. Now, from the traditional gender perspective, women are better at social...
July 4th around here usually means neighbors in town set off a cacophony of private pyrotechnics displays.
The warm night air gets noisy, with random booming, ripping, crashing sounds during the night.
I am sitting up in bed with 2 pillows, my tablet, my dog and cat, and my stuffed pterodactyl.
Oh alright, also a stegosaurus, plesiosaur, and triceratops, but who's counting?
Before sleep, at some point, I'll need to (very briefly) take my dog out in the dark, noisy night to potty. He knows what to do, and will likely pee quickly so we can hurry back into the AutieCave.
Not my favorite time of year. Anyone else?
I am interested in the theory of 'Aspergirls' author Rudy Simone that Asperger girls tend to be androgynous in mannerisms, behaviour and essence. She argues that their thinking patterns and style of clothing may not be typically feminine. They may have an inability to empathise with the feminine point of view, or they are feminine enough but are not recognised or responded to as such, by men.
It is my guess that if this is true, an ‘androgynous essence’ (soul) need not have any correlation with gender identity and sexual orientation. An Asperger girl could easily have a female gender identity and be attracted to men, while having an ‘androgynous essence’. Would you agree?
'Androgynous essence' aside, a few studies have apparently observed a relationship between people with autism and transgender identity. That is, people with autism appear to have higher rates of being transgender compared to neurotypical people. Is anyone familiar with this literature?
Have researchers studied...
new to this wonderful forum... i am a dad of a terrific 9yr-old 3rd grader (4th grader in the fall)... he was diagnosed when he was 4 with AS but we've never told him... he's in a mainstream school with an aid in the classroom and he receives minimal services from the school... speech therapy, OT, etc...
over the past year or so i feel like he's regressing... he's really acting like a 3yr old... he's now clinging to stuffed animals that he never had an interest in before... he can't sleep alone anymore... he's way too dependent on mommy... and now he's starting to say things like "i hate my life" and "i'm just waiting to go to heaven"
i feel like a failure as a parent...
- he says everything is unfair
- nobody likes him
- he's always 'bored'
- i think i'm part of the reason he hates his life because i tend to restrict his game time too much... he gets 30m on weekends only but he always goes way over that allotment... i also tend to raise my voice after the fifth...
Has any of you read or heard about how Sandy Waters is perpetrating a fraud using her severely Autistic daughter, Candy Waters for her gain? Here is the petition explaining it better. I already signed it.
Tommorrow afternoon, I leave for orientation at Western Express. With the encouragement of friends and family, I am going to give driving an 18 wheel tractor trailer one more go. My friends and family note my success (in the driving part anyway) as a bus driver and say my stress tolerance and mood is far more stable than when I last tried it. I keep telling myself that the tractor trailer is really only going to be 20 feet longer than the longest bus I drove. No big deal, right? LOL! I got this ....
This should be a good opportunity as I'll basically be on the road 5 days and home weekends. I'll be driving in the Northeast Region and the first two weeks I'll be with a trainer to sharpen skills. If I survive 14 days of The Great Northeast, I'll get upgraded to solo, assigned a truck, and I'll be ready to roll. I hope I get one of those nice shiny Freightliner Cascadias with the DD12 Ultrashift automatic transmission. They're sweet! Oh and free directv with HBO, Showtime, Cinemax,...
Do you ever feel "connected" with other people?
I watch other people interact with each other, and it seems so fulfilling for them...so satisfying. They really seem to enjoy it. But no matter what I do, or how I go about trying to connect with others, I don't feel what they seem to be feeling. I don't feel fulfilled. I don't feel "connected."
I always thought everyone was faking it--that everyone was pretending to enjoy being with people, because that's how you're supposed to show that you care for someone. So I tried to fake it, too. And I do a pretty good job of faking it.
But based on what people are telling me now that I've discovered this AS component...they're not actually faking it. They actually do enjoy being with each other. They get some kind of emotional consummation through the interaction. I keep wanting this experience...I keep pursuing it...I keep needing it. But I never get it. I've tried to do all the right things. It just doesn't work for me.
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